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You became a distant memory.

How do I describe you? I haven’t heard from you in ages. It appears you’ll never get in touch again. I’m glad. My entire being felt euphoria while I was tripping on and in love with you. No intoxicants, but my heart was full of love, friendship, warmth, comfort, peace, and joy. Total rapture.

You have no idea. My undefiled and untethered heart went skydiving. I felt a sense of completion. Looking at you while you looked at my best friend as you shared and laughed. I was overpowered by a wholeness that eliminated remorse and grief—washed away in the Arabian ocean a few blocks from the indie cafe where we held hands.

Ecstasy. Who cares about the pill? Who needs psychedelics? I never knew I was capable of experiencing a love so primal. A love so profound that when you lost me and I lost you, we only gained. I won by losing you. Here I am, standing tall, grown, so full of love in my heart—it’s overflown.

I never knew I was capable of this kind of love—subtly unconditional. No adult love is meant to be that way. No wonder, I crashed. And, crash, I did. Absolute crash. Like when you come down from a drug so potent and addictive, all you want to do is relapse and re-inject. Love is not supposed to feel like a drug. It’s supposed to feel like home.

Was it an illusion after all? Perhaps. But you and I know better. I’m validating my emotions. Validating my love and experience. That sunlit morning, the euphoric daze, and sense of oneness with the universe. I loved unconditionally. I learned to love more. Love myself more. Thanks to you. Words may be futile devices to describe you but they’re my attempt to give myself closure. I’d say, quite successfully. Goodbye, you!

~