The Challenges in Life and the Blessings They Actually Are for Us.

Life sure has a funny way of showing us it completely and utterly supports us.

Yes? Or…maybe you’re thinking no? If it is the latter, please read on. This just might be for you. If your answer was yes, maybe reading further will compliment what you already know about life and the opportunities for growth it gives us.

Please know, I used to be super triggered by challenges and did everything I could to push the feelings deep down into the abyss of neglectfulness of my own well-being.

Thankfully, I found my way out of that place.

Whether you say God, Allah, Life, Universe, Creator, Source or however you identify your higher power, we can acknowledge that they bring us chances to learn and grow in areas we sometimes might choose to ignore and accept them as our “flaws” and say “That’s just who I am.”

Should you choose to look at challenges as a way to improve who we are, how we show up in the world and grow, that is exactly how I look at it.

For those who see life as a series of hard and endless challenges and roadblocks in the face of getting what we want, please allow me to explain how these challenges are actually the way to get what you want.

Let’s say you want to be a successful entrepreneur.

You pick your niche market, your company name, do your research on how to market to your perfect client. You launch your marketing campaign and…crickets. Nothing is happening.

What is going on? You did your research, and it should be working its magic. Where is the blessing in the frustrations of nothing happening? For all the entrepreneurs reading this, you get it. It’s not that easy. The blessing is in figuring out what is not working. Why? Because if you choose to not figure it out, you’ll continue to be frustrated.

What if your “business” was your new romantic interest? What if it all started out great, rainbows, unicorns, and nobody farted?

Then, six months in the veneer starts to come off, and now you’re both seeing each other’s “flaws”? Now, some of them are cute and endearing and some annoy you to the point you want to scream at the top of your lungs “Why are you doing that AGAIN??!!”  What do you do? Do you ignore them and not mention them and put up with them or do you ask for a conversation?

What are the consequences if you let it go? Well, it could be as benign as being irritated for the long term on a regular basis. It could lead to vitriolic fights where it’s hard to come back from saying things you don’t mean. Or it could lead to a dissolution of the relationship that had so much potential to be something beautiful.

What would happen if we took a moment to reflect on what is possible if we asked for a frank and honest discussion of what we’re feeling? As a coach who works with people on discovering their true potential, I have created a tool that has helped my clients and friends immensely in having conversations that could be hard or awkward.

Here it is:

Set Them Up For Success

1. Ask for your person if they would be open to having a conversation. Let them know when you would like to talk and what you would like to talk about. Set a day and time and be sure to stick to it.
2. When having the talk, thank them for making time for this.
3. Let them know what is happening or has happened and how you feel about it. There is no blaming or making someone “bad”  for this happening.
4. Let them know how you feel about this. “I feel disrespected when you are late to dates with me.” “I feel unimportant to you when you cut me off when I am talking.”
5. Let them know why you feel this way. “I feel this way because when I was a child, my parents always got us places late and it was really embarrassing to always be late. I felt my parents didn’t care how I looked to my teacher, my classmates or my friends.”
6. Let them know what you need. “What I need from you is to be on time. It’s important to me.”
7. Let them know how it looks. “What that looks like for me is if we’re going out on Friday at 7 pm, you would be there at 6:50 or 6:55.”
8. Let them know why it’s important. “As I mentioned before, it was devastating to feel unimportant to my parents who were always late in either picking me up or getting me places.
9. Let them know how you would feel.  “This is important to me because I would feel important and valued.” “I would feel respected and cherished by you.”
10. Then ask them if they can provide that for you. If yes, great! If no, also great! Why great if it’s a no? Because, now you have information you can use to make a decision on what to do next.
11. Finally thank them for having the conversation and ask them what they would like from you. It’s a give and receive relationship.

What would it be like for you to have a powerful conversation like this where you were able to get a roadmap on what to do to make things better? How would that change your relationship or maybe even your life? That is what is possible for you if you start to see challenges as blessings and opportunities to improve yourself. I will tell you honestly, I used to see challenges as negative things that I avoided at all costs. I suffered for decades in this mindset and how can I avoid this discomfort? Now, while sometimes it can still feel uncomfortable, I can easily shift to “OK! Let’s look at this and see what I can change.”

I hope this resonates with you. It is my deepest desire to provide you with something that will make your life easier to navigate.

Thank you. Be well.