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To transform, we need to be present to every experience that life is offering us. We need to allow our energies to flow and let our emotions guide us. For when all three come together, it’s time to come home to ourselves. Every day.

I wrote these lines in one of my previous articles, and since then, I’ve been feeling that something is amiss.

While it’s true that we do change and transform when we experience certain events, situations, or encounter people who are able to evoke a strong emotion within us and shift our energies, it’s not enough.

Simply because, to change, improve, transform, and move toward our higher self, we need a lot more.

We need to be able to make sense of our experiences, energies, and emotions in a way that resonates with us. We need to tap into our own inner wisdom and allow ourselves to let all of it sink in.

“Growth is never by chance. It is a result of forces working together.” ~ James Cash Penney

And to be able to create that shift, we need certain things:

1. Self-reflection. Until and unless we sit back and reflect on what’s happening outside and inside of us, we will always be on autopilot mode, doing what we’ve always done, getting the same or no results, and staying in that unhappy, unpleasant zone.

The ability to change also requires the ability to go inward and reflect on what our inner world looks like. It needs us to drop the masks that we wear every day, see ourselves for who we are right now, and ask ourselves who we’d like to be. We need to be able to draw up the courage to ask ourselves if we’re ready to make a shift, ready to leave the old ways of thinking, feeling, behaving, and doing that stopped serving us long ago and look for something new.

2. Create a vision. We all have a vision for ourselves, even if we have to dig a little to uncover it. We all have our deep desires, wants, and wishes, and we want them to be fulfilled. Despite the circumstances, we want certain things in our lives and we want to be a certain way. And it’s important for us allow ourselves to create and acknowledge that for ourselves.

That’s how we make sense of life and change. That’s how we allow our experiences and emotions to become our guiding light. Yes, life will always throw stuff at us at odd times. But it’s also up to us to reach within for our internal strength. And sometimes, when we feel down and out, it’s okay too. That’s also a signal for us to slow down.

3. Willingness. Nobody can change anyone unless they want to. No experience, energy exchange, or emotional upheaval can bring about a change unless we give it the permission to. Just like we are always ready for the pleasant and happy stuff, we need to make room for the pain and discomfort as well.

Naturally, we want to get rid of the pain, and only if that was so simple! But it isn’t. Pain stays and becomes more painful when it remains unacknowledged. Before we run to anyone else to understand and tend to it, we need to be willing to do it for ourselves.

Once we put the above into place, we need these seven powerful principles to enable to us to step out of our comfort zones and move toward the vision we hold for ourselves:

1. We all need and desire love, respect, and value. When we learn to do it for ourselves, not only are we better able to do that for others, we are also able to attract and be in relationships that respect our needs.

2. We need to stop asking ”Why me?” when something unpleasant happens and instead move to “What can I do about it?” or “What is it teaching me?” Let’s face it, bad things will happen. Life will be unfair. We can only do what we can, and things seem a little better when we focus on our options. When we see none, it’s time to be patient.

3. We need to look for what brings joy and meaning to our lives even when the chips are down. We need to be able to hold on to or perhaps create small moments of relief, peace, and ease so that we can recharge, unwind, and start moving toward something greater and more meaningful. Every moment filled with a smile, laughter, relief, and accomplishment counts. It all adds up to the big picture.

4. We need to connect with people, activities, and experiences that resonate with us and help us navigate through the challenging times. We all thrive in connection and perish in isolation.

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” ~ Brené Brown

5. We need to learn to act in our self-interest while respecting the needs of others as well. Our identities are either enmeshed with others or totally disconnected. Both don’t work. They only lead to resentment and isolation. When we learn to love, respect, and value ourselves and our needs, we are able to create a balance.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~ Brené Brown

6. We only believe our version of reality—don’t we? So why not make it a workable, livable one? The one that enables us to live meaningfully? Therefore, it’s also about us rescripting the versions that we have created, taught, or believed to make them better suited and aligned with who we are and want to be.

7. We always have the power of choice. Not making a choice is also a choice in itself. And it’s up to us to use this capacity wisely—one that is in alignment with who we are.

“Your choices of action may be limited, but your choices of thought are not.” ~ Esther Hicks

It’s only when we understand these principles and are able to go within, create a vision for ourselves, and be willing to act on it that our experiences and emotions begin to make sense.

When they make sense, we shift.

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” ~ Brené Brown

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