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Domestic violence is not just physical.

It is also emotional, mental, and verbal. It is intimidation and manipulation. It’s about power and victims being left feeling like they have none, but they do. As much as it feels like you have no power or control over your situation, you do.

You have to find it and take it back.

Unfortunately, I have experienced these things firsthand. Although the abuse was not physical, I was still broken. I was told I was nothing. That I would never amount to anything. That I was worthless. That I was a terrible mother and wife. I was made to feel so small. So small that I almost disappeared forever.

After five years, I was in a really dark place. My mental and physical health were declining. My life consisted of going to my job and back home. I had no social life. I had alienated my family and all of my friends. I never wanted to leave the house. I struggled as a mother. I felt helpless and hopeless. I felt like I would never get out. Like I would never be happy again. Like I didn’t deserve to be happy.

I was depressed and I saw no way out. I came to the conclusion that the only option was suicide. I told myself that the pain would stop if I was dead.  That was the lowest point. That was rock-bottom. In that desperation is where I found hope.

I still haven’t figured out how, but I convinced myself that I deserved better. That my daughters deserved better. That I deserved to live a life full of happiness and love. And then, I took action. I made a plan. I knew this would be the hardest and most important thing I ever did.

I left my house, my kids, and my whole life behind. I moved in with my parents, where I stayed for six months. I saved my money, worked on my mental health, and filed for divorce. In those six months, my whole life turned around.

I was lucky. I found my way out of the darkness. Lots of women never get that chance. If you feel scared, hopeless, and helpless, please know there are resources that can help you.  Please visit this site for information on the resources available to you.

Please don’t give up on yourself. You deserve a happy and safe life. You are worth it. Every day and every night, you are worth it.