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A few weeks ago, I ran into an ex-lover.

We ended more than eight years ago, but what we had was undeniably special. For some reason, I always felt we’d end up together. Even years after breaking up, I thought we’d be crossing paths again.

And we did…I was with my husband, and he was with his girlfriend.

At that moment, I laughed at the irony of the universe. If someone had told me nearly a decade ago that many years later I would be madly in love and happily married—to someone else—I wouldn’t have believed them. I wouldn’t have even accepted it because I was so damn sure that that person at the time was the one (the only one) for me.

What happened? How does life actually work? Is this even possible? I’m sure you’ve asked these questions at least once in your lifetime. And while answers don’t usually come easy when it comes to deciphering life’s greatest mysteries, that night, the answer was crystal clear.

That person isn’t the right life partner for me. He was at the time when we were together. But the moment we ended, he stopped being “the one.” The one for me is the one who chooses me, and that person, ladies and gents, is my husband. Around four years ago when I also chose my husband, we created an unbreakable bond, which we would actually call love.

It all comes down to choice.

Sadly, we almost always forget about the power of choice in love. My initial title was “The One & Only Thing we Need to Know about Finding the Right Life Partner.” I deleted “finding” and replaced it with “choosing” because whether we like it or not (or believe it or not), we never find the one. We choose them.

Choice is what makes them the one, but why do we keep forgetting about this? Instead, we focus on all the mainstream signs that tell us they’re ready to commit, such as “they’re making time for you,” “you’ve met their friends and family,” “they’re taking it slow,” and so on.

In my experience, these signs tell us something in this exact moment. But the moment a relationship or a connection ends, these signs don’t function anymore. The problem is they get stuck in our heads. We totally dismiss the fact that that person stopped choosing us and we simply focus on “but they introduced me to their family!”

The bigger problem is that we keep choosing them—in our heads.

That’s why, oftentimes, we struggle with moving on. And although deep inside we know we’re no longer together, we keep unconsciously searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. But that tunnel is closed; there’s no light in there.

Change the f*cking tunnel. This is everything you need to know about choosing the right life partner!

That said, stop wondering why it hasn’t worked out. Look at your present moment and ask yourself, “Has he/she chosen me today?”

Dismiss everything you know about soul mates, “twin flames,” or karmic relationships. If you’re not together now, then you’re not for each other. It’s that simple.

Choice, choice, choice, choice. Now read that again!

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