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I love to people-watch. I could sit just about anywhere, for hours, and watch people go about their business. People make me happy.

A young mother with her baby shopping at the supermarket. I can see how much she loves her baby as she sings to her while walking up and down the aisles without a care in the world who is listening to her sing. She makes me feel at ease and provides me with great comfort.

A father playing catch with his children always brings a smile to my face. He is patient, gentle, and silly. He makes me feel strength and growth.

A group of older women at the bookstore sitting at a large oak table discussing their latest read with the occasional wisecracks from the bookstore owner who likes to tease the ladies. Their strong opinions and wise words make me feel vibrant.

Two girlfriends shopping at the mall discussing their hot, new buys for their night out on the town. Their excitement brings back memories of my younger years.

A couple strolling through the park holding hands and laughing. They look at nothing but each other as the world around them keeps moving. Their love makes me feel hopeful.

I love them all. There is something so innocent, sweet, and tender about each and every one of them. They are just going about their business, living their lives, and seeing them brings me joy.

And it was during one of my people-watching moments that I think I may have discovered the secret to finding love. The kind of love we actually deserve. Real. Powerful. Genuine. The kind of love that makes us happy, grateful, inspired, and hopeful.

I was at a party where I knew absolutely no one. A friend of a friend, of a friend, and once removed invited me, but I seemed to have been the only one to actually show up. I sat at the bar picking at the pretzel bowl and drinking water.

The most beautiful woman I have ever seen walked into the room, and all eyes went to her. I mean, this chick was Hollywood beautiful. And beside her, with his arm tightly around her waist, was one of the plainest men I have ever seen. He was on the shorter side, average-looking, and regularly built.

There is nothing wrong with average. I am as average as they come. But his average looks stood out because of the beauty by his side. My first thought was, “How did he get so lucky to find a babe like that?”

I watched them throughout the night. What was it about him that made him so special? She could literally have any man she wanted, but she chose him.

Then I met them, and I knew exactly what it was.

It was his confidence in himself that made her fall madly in love with him. And she was rather lovely in every way. And the two of them, both extremely confident in who they were, found each other.

And then I realized that all eyes weren’t actually on the woman’s beauty but on him because his confidence was so alluring. He believed in himself and, therefore, she believed in him.

Our confidence is basically the core to everything we are attracting or pushing away in our love life. Confidence makes a difference in the type of relationships we attract or don’t attract.

The confidence we portray to the world dictates our potential dating partners who find us or avoid us.

If we lack self-confidence, it doesn’t matter how pretty we are or how open we are to finding love, we won’t be ready for our best relationship.

The universe seems to match us with our current state of being. So if we have low self-esteem in who we are, we are going to meet someone who mirrors our state of being. It’s no wonder we find ourselves in unhappy relationships. That person doesn’t match who we know we are supposed to be: our true self. We are merely just bits and pieces of ourselves showing up in the world.

Some of us might think we have all the confidence in the world, but if we dig deep down inside and really listen, are we secretly questioning or doubting ourselves?

A confident person acknowledges their achievements and efforts. They don’t need validation from anyone but themselves. They feel comfortable in who they are and they like themselves, including the not-so-great parts of themselves. And that is what they represent in the world: positive and attractive.

Being confident is not about being perfect. No one is perfect. Nor is it about being cocky or conceited. To be fully and truly confident, we must like every part of ourselves. We accept who we are. But yet, we continue to improve ourselves not for any reason other than we owe it to ourselves to be the best version of ourselves.

We don’t show off; we show up for ourselves.

Confident people enter into relationships to share their life and love with someone who makes them happy, not to make them feel better about themselves or to fill a void.

They carry themselves differently, they recognize their self-worth, and are happy with who they are, and they do not ever compare themselves to anyone.

Being confident is about feeling completely comfortable in our own skin.

We owe it to ourselves to be our authentic selves and become fully confident in who we are. It’s something we need to discover. We are not born with confidence. Having confidence is a choice. It’s a constant ongoing relationship with ourselves. Confidence changes over time. It grows at a slow, steady pace.

We need to take the time to value ourselves. And this doesn’t stop once we enter into a relationship. People sometimes tend to put all of their efforts into building confidence when they are single. But once they meet someone, they suddenly lose themselves in the relationship and their confidence begins to sink. Their current partner can sense the shift and might even start pulling away. The more they pull away, the quicker confidence disappears completely until they’re alone wondering what the fudge happened.

We need to find our confidence, keep it, and grow with it.

We can start slow and simple by using these four easy steps:

1. Shift our mindset

Yes, it all starts by simply telling ourselves that confidence is going to be our “be all and end all.” Once we say the words, we are already beginning to shift our thinking patterns.

2. Practice self-awareness

This starts by getting to know ourselves. Making a checklist of our characteristics, feelings, motives, and desires. Knowledge is key, so we must get to know ourselves so we can learn to appreciate everything about who we are and fall in love with ourselves.

3. Celebrate our victories

By thinking of things we are good at: our strengths and talents. Talking ourselves up, being proud of who we are, looking at what we’ve already achieved in our lives. It’s easy to lose confidence if we believe we haven’t achieved anything at all.

Then, we can begin to be our own cheerleaders when it comes to our victories. There are no victories too small or too big that should be overlooked. Even things we realize we weren’t all that great at, we can still celebrate the fact that we at least tried.

4. Apply self-care

Self-care starts with treating our body with respect by providing healthy nourishment and daily exercise. Our body is the home to our heart, mind, and soul. We need to keep it in good shape to protect what is on the inside.

Once we start to practice confidence, we will feel the shift. People around us will see the shift.

The more we train ourselves to learn confidence, the better we get at it. We can add other ways to grow our confidence so that it stays with us throughout our entire lives.

The secret to finding the love we deserve is in finding confidence within ourselves.

That confidence will shine a light into the world, and the world will bounce that light back on us to fill us with the happiness and the love we deserve.

Because we tend to accept the love we think we deserve, why not believe the love we deserve is nothing short of extraordinary? And so extraordinary it is what we will get.

Find your confidence. Believe in yourself.