When we set ourselves to high expectations we secretly set ourselves up for failure! Let me explain this a little bit…

When you expect yourself to suddenly get over something, to do something unpracticed perfectly, and you expect any type of perfectionism… there will be disappointment!

The reason being, is you set the bar so high. Subconsciously, you believe that you are already a failure. When your subconscious believes this, you continue to prove these deep feelings of inner turmoil and unworthiness.

But it’s not your fault! You expect yourself to be perfect, because everyone around us tells us these lies of perfectionism. Our photos must be flawless, our talking points in videos should be effortless, and our engagement with others should always be from a place of having it together.

Obviously so, we are comparing our beginning to others’ finishing touches. We don’t see the hours of work, the amount of practice, and all their failed results to gain their “success.” When we perceive ourselves as less than, we view all others’ attempts as effortless and perfectly done. What we don’t see, is what we desire in them is already inside of us.

This is not a new theory, and I’m not the first to speak about this, but what I don’t see in this conversation is how expectations play a huge role! Discussing your perceived expectations is just barely skimming the surface. My job as an Ancestral Healing Coach is assisting my clients in understanding the root causes of these blocks. What we discover on our journey of healing and rediscovering ourselves, can send us through many twists and turns.

And although understanding these expectations is imperative, that’s not exactly what sets us free from this self imposed torment, that binds our soul. Everything you believe about yourself, 9 out of 10 times is learned through the lens of others. Children are so innocent and taught to listen to others, so it makes sense you listen to your parents even when they set unrealistic expectations.

We didn’t know at the time when they told us to sit still constantly, and we are bad if we don’t do something so seemingly simple, it is unrealistic! Of course you were going to run and jump around! That’s what children do! Hearing through your growing years how much of what you do is bad, despite it being natural, does impose that idea that YOU ARE BAD! Somehow we were taught that we are less than.

If we connect with our younger selves, we can see how heavily this weighed on us, and how we didn’t have the space or understanding to properly cope. Our parents’ expectations of being the “perfect child” was also a learned behavior. They did what their parents taught them to do and so on. These types of cycles seem never ending, going back generations and generations.

This is why generational healing is hugely needed at this time. Especially for those who identify themselves within the BIPOC community. We had an image to uphold, to not be like the stereotypes born from racism and self hatred; to adhere to the oppressive colonized view!

If you go back far enough we can all learn how our ancestors were one with nature, and were aligned with these cycles. There was no forcing, nor pushing; this was not how the crops grew abundantly. That is not how we could connect with the wisdom of the earth. We listened with curiosity, and understood all of us had our OWN mission and messages.

So when you are sitting in a corner wondering: how come that video didn’t take, upset why you can’t keep up with your work colleagues, or whatever expectation of work perfectly done you have in your head, listen to this… IT TAKES TIME!

Nature takes time, and no matter how much you yell and belittle the flower, it will not bloom any faster, and neither will you. There are tons of studies that prove this, but what’s missing from these studies is the connection to our communities that essentially molds our self esteem. 

Going back to this place of time, in your own family line although helpful, isn’t fully breaking the shackles either. Those that have felt the weight of oppression and colonization, we know and feel at our core this came from somewhere that robbed us of who we truly are!

Our afro and indigenous roots is proof of this once lived and intuitive freedom. And in order to truly heal for us, our ancestors and the future generations, we have to take off this weight that isn’t ours! Go back to the wisdom of our people before the enslavement, and genocides. Go back before the years and generations of manipulation and abuse. We continue to be slaves if we believe it’s all on us, but that is not that case at all!

“Go back to the wisdom of our people before the enslavement, and genocides. Go back before the years and generations of manipulation and abuse.”

Healing is greatly improved in groups, in numbers and communities! Our ancestors knew this long before the study of science! We are human, and it is genetic to desire companionship and support. So, lean on them (your ancestors, guides, and/or spiritual team) for this freedom and release. 

Remember you ARE NOT supposed to have it all together. Healing although can occur with self- accountability, it does not happen alone! Go to them for this healing, even if and especially when it seems you have no one! 

“Remember you ARE NOT supposed to have it all together.”

We have a mission in allowing ourselves to just BE, going back to who we once were! We owe ourselves this peace, to finally see the child in you did have it right! Their wondrous curiosity, belief in magic, and instinctive belief in themselves, was all created in this duality that makes human beings with SOULS!

“We have a mission in allowing ourselves to just BE, going back to who we once were!”

There has been no good in doubting, and self- sabotaging ourselves. Remind yourself that comparison is a thief of joy every time you go down that rabbit hole. Also, remind yourself where you come from, the strong and magical blood that runs through your veins! When all seems lost and you feel afraid, set this reminder that you are never alone. You will never be alone, because you were prayed for both by the universe and your ancestors! 

Their words of faith manifested you in this life, to do what they couldn’t! Believe in YOU, the real you, the you that believed in magic and could see beyond the 3D. The you that knows the real answers to it all. 

Be tender with yourself my love, and know the weight of these heavy societal expectations IS NOT the answer!

If these words are speaking to you and moving something deep inside of you with a profound yes, I encourage you to check out my upcoming cohort below. This is for daughters wanting to heal from these colonized expectations and gender roles, that come from the weighty hardships of this repeated generational issue of the mother wound.

Below you can find all the writing and description for this cohort. This was created for BIPOC women to heal together in remembering our magic, and banning together as our ancestors have done so many times before!

Decolonizing The Disapproving Mother & RECLAIMING OUR WOMB-MAN SOVEREIGNTY Cohort:

 https://altartothesoul.mn.co/users/onboarding/plans?space_id=7610748