The government is making us into a nation of codependent people. Forty years ago, everyone knew what codependent was. Today, few people know what a codependent relationship looks like. Codependency, back then, was looked at as between two people. Today few people have connected codependency and how the government has changed the society into a codependent nation.

Codependency looks like a baseball diamond without a home base. Instead, there are three bases, the first base, The Victim, the second base, The Rescuer, and the third base, The Persecutor. Only one person can be on a base at the time.

Victims do not take action. Being an adult or a child in an abusive relationship does not make you a victim. However, continuing the stay in an abusive relationship and thinking, “What have I done wrong?” does. Being molested does not qualify you for victim status either. Not reporting the incident does. Being afraid to rock the boat does. Always putting someone else’s needs before their own make you a victim.

Now, a crisis occurs, which creates Victims. Then, the Rescuer gets to swoop-in closed businesses (which you are told is making you safer). And then send out billions of free dollars to rescue you from the crisis they created by closing the businesses.

Slowly, at first, the rescued person begins to feel like the Victim of the Rescuer, and the Victim now becomes the Persecutor fighting back. The Rescuer now becomes indignant at not being appreciated “for all we have done for you!” The Rescuer now will become the Persecutor. And now, everyone is at each other’s throats. Everyone feels misunderstood or not appreciated.

The first step to getting out of the never-ending codependent cycle is understanding the process. Codependency requires that you find the person or group of people who see themselves as victims. If they do not see themselves as victims, you have to convince them that they are victims.

To be a victim, you have to believe certain things are true. Here is a list of some of the Victim’s thoughts and beliefs:·       I am powerless to do anything about my situation.·       If the other person changed then, I would be fine.·       I am not capable.·       I am unhappy because others are not doing what they should do.·       This is just the way the world is.·       I have to do whatever people in charge tell me. They know best.·       Someone needs to rescue me.·       This is my life; I cannot change it.·       You should know what I need. If I have to explain to you, it is no good.·       I need you. I cannot make it without you.·       I find myself afraid of strong emotions in others.·       I usually put other people’s needs before mine.

You were not born of a victim. Instead, you create yourself into a victim by choosing victim beliefs and believing that these beliefs are actual facts. Anyone who tries to tell you differently will incur your wrath. “My mind is made up; do not confuse me with facts!”

Victims lock themselves into their belief system. Then, as a victim, their main goal is to find a rescuer.

The rescuer base is occupied by someone who finds their self-worth in fixing and helping others not to be victims. Both Rescuer and Victim have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo. If the Victim ever gets “fixed,” the Rescuer has lost their purpose!

People who are rescuers have convinced themselves that what they are doing is for the good of the other person or group of people. And they will feel guilty when they cannot fix their victims. Rescuers believe that if they try hard enough, they will be able to change the Victim. But unfortunately, the rescuers have no concept that what they are doing reinforces the Victim’s victimhood. What you protect, you make weak.

For example, consider the people who participate in riots (not peaceful demonstrations). Rioters are victims who have become persecutors! After being a rioter and having nothing change, they become victims again.

There is no winning in this game! There is only getting out. You have a choice to stay in the game or to refuse to play. It is a choice. “I will not be your Rescuer. I will not be your Persecutor. I will not be your Victim, and let your fear become my fear.”

The bottom line to getting out of the victim-rescuer-persecutor triangle is to stop playing the game. Getting out starts with you believing that you choose to think, and you can think anything you want to think. I can believe I am capable. That does not mean I will not make mistakes. However, I will choose to believe my mistakes are opportunities to learn and do things differently.

“But I cannot get out. I have three small children and cannot work. (Cannot you see that I am the Victim here and someone has to rescue me.)”

If it is something that you can do for yourself, but it is your fear preventing you, then I will not be your Rescuer, and I choose not to reinforce your fear by doing for you what you are afraid to do. You get through fear by doing what you are scared to do. So to protect you from fear is to protect you from change.

Contact Dr. Downing at:

Email: [email protected]

Website: DocDPhD.com