Dear Fellow Women,

This story is dedicated to All of you, without a single exception but, also, it is especially dedicated to those of you who struggle with PMDD. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, therefore I thought to write this story for you. I know that through this story I won’t take PMDD away, I know that it will happen again, again and again,  but be reassured that this story is here for All of you to feel stronger – you are never alone and it is perfectly ok to be as you are. Actually, it is more than ok, as you are exceptionally brave, going through this endless battle on your own yet, as I want to reassure you again, never alone. PMDD is not whom you are – PMDD is what you are fighting with, becoming better, more beautiful and stronger. And this beauty defines you and makes you the heroines of your own lives.  I hope that you will be able to see yourself in the story and, in this way, feel stronger and more self-confident. We are in this together. 🙂

Here is the story:

The gloomy cloud arrives from an unknown direction and heavily rests above the house. How is it possible, you wonder, for it was sunny few minutes ago? It is probably air pressure changing, as suddenly you don’t remember feeling well and fit. Since the weather has changed and the cloud has appeared you feel nothing but pain, from your head to your fingertips. Well, you wonder about it, as you are supposed to go to work. You cannot move your head from pain. Naturally, you will go to work, but then, even though you can slightly combat physical pain by means of medicine, it is still there, while something starts building in your heart and mind as well. Is it your heart or is it your mind? Suddenly, the light goes off. How can you work with the light off? No, it is not in the house. It is within you. You cannot see clear, in a literal sense. The fog is building around you. Now, you should go to work – you know that you are running out of time. You feel out of balance when you stand up. Something drops on the floor. You sit down again. How can you go anywhere if it is impossible to move? Why is it impossible to move? You really don’t know, but you have shivers. You just sit here and you cannot move. You wonder about your life and the purpose of existence. You think how unfortunate it was for anybody to ever encounter you. You started feeling this way as soon as the cloud appeared. Then, you do what it takes to reach your workplace. There are your colleagues and they are kind-hearted and nice yet, today, you are scared to speak to them. Perhaps they secretly cannot stand you. Perhaps everyone cannot stand you. Perhaps, after all, you should never go back home and it will be better for everyone. How they could ever look at you without feeling disappointed? Why should they be disappointed? You really don’t know, as gathering thoughts is almost impossible right now, but whatever you gather in your mind brings pain. You sit at your desk in the office and stare at your laptop. You think about the ultimate end of life. All the sadness from all your years gathers around you, pushing you further and further into dangerous regions. You know that the line is very thin. And then, this is the moment when you should reconsider your thoughts – this is the moment when you should step in as the heroine of your life – do not let PMDD guide you into a false direction. Whatever thoughts are circling in your mind, please know that they are like actors during a theatrical play – nothing else. Watch them from a distance. They will pass within few days and you will be surprised how could you ever believe them. Have you heard about method acting? It indicates acting in such a way that you are living through your character’s emotions. Well, PMDD is like living a life of such a character – the never-existent version of yourself which never would be true. Yet, in case of PMDD, it is involuntary and unintentional.  PMDD strives to turn you into someone else and convince you that you are someone else – someone essentialy worthless. Treat PMDD in the same way as it treats you: remind yourself and write down dozens of times that it is a worthless shadow passing away. You are you and you will be ok soon. Yes, most probably, you will have to go through it again, but each time you will be more prepared. You should be proud of yourself – you know how incredibly tough it is, and I applaud you too! You are an incredible warrior.

All the best wishes!

A.