I came from a single mother home.

Most people I talk to have a story. Some reason they need to make changes. But almost all I’ve witnessed, do one thing completely wrong!

I have had to heal myself on my own. It took YEARS. I had to resolve abandonment fears, sexual abuse feelings, being exposed to the smut of the earth. I hated men. Hated sex. My first several attempts at sex it irritated me so bad I had to stop. Never had sexual pleasure till much later. Never had orgasms. Drank too much off and on. Smoked. Gained tons of weight. I brought myself through so many changes. So I can say that there is nothing special about changing a bad habit, to quitting an addiction, to leaving a relationship. They all have one commonality, change.

Any change I have made in my life has had stages. For instance, quitting smoking. The first 3 times I tried it KILLED me. Then one day, I felt the dying coming and I told myself “you can crave all you want, you are NOT smoking “ and that was the end of the suffering. I had done it a free times before and failed. And every time Id fail once, Id give up. Talking to yourself is not the lesson here. If it helps then do it! But the important lesson here is to practice!

In ever change I tried, there was secrecy and shame. We proudly announce we are…xyz…and then when we fail, we try to hide it and we feel guilt. Now WHY we do this, I do not know. However, we feel like we have let everyone down when we fail. The change 1st has to be for YOU or you will not succeed. If it’s for someone else, you need your heart to want it for YOU!

This is the simplest advice that will change the way you handle change. No matter the goal, or how you go about it, remember this; once you DESIRE change, your practicing! That desire is enough until it’s not. You will move to action when YOU are ready. So, if you really want to lose weight but you want that cookie more, eat the damn cookie. You practiced change. Later, when your goal is more important than your craving, you will move into action practice.

So when that day comes, and you are practicing eating healthier or exercising, and feeling super proud of yourself, and then you slip and eat a cookie or smoke a cigarette or take the drug, DO NOT HIDE! Do NOT feel shame! DO NOT give up! You are still practicing & getting better at it every day! Forgive yourself & keep trying. Would you give up riding a bike just because you fell several times? No, and now you’re an expert at riding that bike.

I walked away from a 23 year marriage in one day. I had 23 years of practicing. I never looked back.  6 years I’ve tried to leave but it wasn’t time. I wasn’t ready. I’m ready now. I had to practice.

Just remember, change starts the moment you desire it! From there it will happen, when YOU are ready. Don’t hide or feel shame for slips or full on dives into the deep end! Just keep practicing until you are ready, and when you’re ready, that will be the most freeing moment of your life!