For many of us the model of sex is based on what we think it should be, how we think it should be, how we think it should look.

This is often a porn-based model, filled with the idea of performance and expectation.

Orgasm, the way we express orgasm, especially for women, has been caught up in this model.

The expectation of it is that there’s lots of moaning, groaning, screaming, shouting.

There’s lots of writhing, wriggling.

There are earthquakes and stars colliding…

And so often we think that’s how it should be.

And if I’m not experiencing that then we’re not doing it right.

And we’re not doing it well enough.

It’s not about a performance.

It’s about pleasure!

And that’s going to be different every day.

Some orgasms are ripples that move gently through your body. They’re quiet and soft.

Some orgasms are a tremble, deep in the earth of your being. They vibrate through you with hardly an awareness on the surface.

Some orgasms are quick, they’re there, they’re gone, a shooting star in the night sky.

Some orgasms are tight, fists squeezing, toes curling, intense.

Some orgasm are long, slow waves, rollers in the ocean of pleasure.

And… more…

Some are quiet, some are noisy.

Some are very loud, Oh Yes, Oh Baby, Oh Whatever Your Lover’s Name Is…

Some are a held breath, some are a gasp.

They’re different, and they’ll be different every day.

Because you are different.

Your body is different, your emotional state is different, your chemical state is different, and so many more factors.

Then, and this is important.

Your orgasms are yours, they’re for you.

They’re not for anybody else’s ego, they’re not to make anyone else feel good, they’re not to buy into the ‘way it should be’.

They’re not about an expectation.

They’re about where you are, where your body and heart are. In this moment.

And this is important too.

Even though we’re talking about orgasms here. It’s not always about orgasms, it’s about pleasure, intimacy, connection, energy, sensation.

And if orgasms are not happening maybe that’s about something else.

Because our sexuality is not in a vacuum, it’s connected to all that we are, to all of our life.

Maybe if you’re chasing this elusive orgasm fairy all over the place, and it’s nearly there, and now it’s gone, maybe there’s something to relax about.

And if it’s not happening and you’re getting frustrated, maybe there’s something to just let go of.

And if it’s irritating and you just want it to be over, maybe there’s something that needs to be said.

Whatever it is, and whatever your body does, allow it to be a natural expression of where you are.

Allow it to flow, freely.

With no expectation, no judgment, no story, no analysis, no conference.

This is where I am in pleasure, in energy, in sexuality.

There’s a softening into this, a softening into openness, into power and into presence.

And into possibility.

The possibility of this moment.