There are many barriers that keep us from connecting to ourselves more fully. Life is intense, and I think we need to normalise these challenges! So, let’s talk about the barriers to being able to tune into our pleasure and feel the full range of our pleasure dial.

Disembodiment is a structural and systemic issue, not a personal issue. We live in a world where the broader structural and institutional beliefs heavily influence and sneakily infiltrate our personal beliefs about our bodies and pleasure. In this world of break-neck speed, we often don’t remember we even have a body (hello embodiment) let alone remember that our bodies and lives can be a source of pleasure for the sole reason of pleasure.

As a society, we’re also disembodied from our collective pleasure and sexuality. There are many different experiences that can challenge our ability to be in our bodies, including stress, trauma, shame, medications, surgery, body dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, and unwanted chronic or acute pain (I say ‘unwanted’ because pain can also be a welcomed pleasurable experience for many and make us more acutely aware of our bodies).

In these experiences, it can sometimes feel difficult to be embodied, as the self might feel like a source of challenge, confusion and exhaustion rather than comfort and safety.

We must go gently with ourselves. As we spoke about, disembodiment is a valid and useful survival strategy that can support us in intense moments. We have many coping strategies and protections that have served and protected us. In somatics, the analogy of a clenched fist is used. If you try to pry the fingers open it will resist and tighten more. But if you wrap the clenched fist with another hand and apply pressure in the same direction, the fist can soften.

This can be a useful reminder when we are potentially rushing and impatient with our own embodiment practice.

Our coping strategies are effective, and have served to protect us, which is why we have repeated them over and over. However, they can keep us disconnected from our feelings and our needs. It can be powerful to thank your coping strategies, because they kept you safe, protected, supported, alive, and brought you here right now. At the same time, we can try to and the balance between knowing our coping strategies enable us to work at the capacity we have, while also attempting to nurture our overall capacity.

Take up space in your own body, go slowly, and remember that the experience of connecting to your body is not all or nothing. Small doses and experiences of feeling embodied are incredibly useful in this process.

Pleasure Practice:

Let’s explore feeling more embodies in small doses. You can tune in with body parts and not your whole body. Decide what you want.

ASK YOURSELF: What can I do to tend to my body, or a particular body part, right now? How could I bring more pleasure, ease or comfort into this area of my body right now?

If one body part is too intense or painful, find a less charged area of your body. If you feel yourself bracing or contracting, find a neutral place in your body and swing back and forth by noticing the sensations of the contraction. Then swing back into your thoughts or focus on another neutral area of the body, like your pinky finger or your nose. These small doses can make it easier to inhabit your body. Repeat this cycle for a timed period, trying not to push it too much and tire yourself.