Recently I watched the documentary “The Vow,” about the cult NXIVM. It follows some members who got out and start to contact more people to do the same.

One of the leader’s premises was that negative emotions were utterly our responsibility. If we listen to fear, pain, or doubt, we put ourselves in the victims’ role. Ergo, every unpleasant emotion we feel is “our fault.” And useless.

The leader of this “company” (whom was sentenced to 120 years in prison) was a sociopath who established a sex cult and forced its members to anorexia and sex slavery.

Oddly enough (but not surprising), psychologists and therapists were not allowed in this self-help charade.

So, when I see similar behavior from fellow coaches and even some fellow psychologists, it pisses me off. I’ve seen a growth of people promising and creating expectations about “erasing” or “forgetting about” the “negative emotions only putting you down.”

Emotions are not good or bad. They are all providers of information. They are there to tell us something, and if we learn how to listen, we can genuinely regulate, express, and release them. It can be the beginning of a profound transformation, a healing process, a liberation.

Hiding, ignoring, or “demonizing” them is undoubtedly counterproductive.

There are so many, many, many people offering their services as coaches right now. Please be careful. Some red flags:

• If you want to know more about their services, you get into a free call and are not convinced, that’s perfectly fine. I know from clients that some coaches are “making them feel bad” about not hiring them. Phrases like “if you are not ready to invest XXX amount, you don’t want to be a better person” or “if you were ready, you’d get the money even if you have to ask for a loan.” True story, both of them. If you hear something remotely similar, run like the wind.

• Suppose you get a promise of a change of mindset to only focus on the positive and ignore or disregard your unpleasant emotions. GTFO of there.

• If your intuition is telling you no, it is no. This cult “taught” its members to ignore their intuition. When they got to the point of being branded (yes, some of them were branded with his initials!!!!), their whole body screamed no. But, they learned intuition is bad, so they went through it anyway. Brainwash 101. So if you feel like “something is off,” then run.

Accepting an unpleasant emotion doesn’t mean that you are giving up. Or stay with it forever. On the contrary, it means you can acquire and develop the tools to prevent them from “taking over.”

It is the basis for self-care, self-confidence, and well-being.

Please bear that in mind if you are looking for support from a mental health professional.

By your side,

Gabriela