Broken adults are the most difficult to mend. Their childhood memories often have impressions of trauma, abuse, abandonment.

They grow up often as adults hiding an insecure child within.

Often I meet them in my therapy sessions and they say that people know us as accomplished professionals, speaking at conferences, holding training workshops but we are constantly doubting ourselves. The world wants to see our mask and sometimes we too start believing this mask. But deep down we are insecure of losing it all. Irrational fears dictate our consciousness. Anxiety, panic attacks are often ignored initially.

Sometimes severe health issues make them seek help for their mental health.

And initially they are guarded, often in denial. But slowly as they get comfortable they let that small child emerge. Often traumatized and struggling with a sense of abandonment.

They learn to see and empathize with that child as the healing process of therapy begins. They give the love, understanding and acceptance to that child which was denied to them.

Sometimes they are angry and sometimes they are tearful, sobbing.

It’s a process and takes time.

I set strict boundaries to avoid burnouts but once in a while the painful tears do get to me. Especially if it’s a much older adult as I can envision the pain they experienced for the most of their lives. For no fault of their own. Recently one such client who initiated being standoffish after a few sessions sobbed for the young girl that she was who never felt loved, heard by her mother.

She  was made to leave home at 18 and spent many months homeless, sleeping in her car. She said that, “my mother was talking on the phone when I was leaving. She just waived at me. Didn’t even put the phone down. I wanted her to stop me from leaving. All my life I have felt unwanted, insecure. Be it work or my marriage where my husband too didn’t want me. Therefore post my divorce I made my job my identity.”

She came for therapy as she was feeling cornered at her workplace and was having panic attacks.

Talk therapy, Processing the trauma, hurt, guilt, journaling, raising self esteem by understanding strengths, limitations, mindfulness etc are some of the skills used for healing.