We are a society obsessed with measuring.

Everything we possibly can, we measure.

And in the measure comes a judgment.

There’s a constant comparison in measurement, and a constant insecurity.

There can be little fulfillment, or peace, happiness, as long as we are measuring.

We measure how much, how little, how heavy, how light, how far, how fast etc.

And all of it has a judgment, this is good, this is bad, this is normal, this is acceptable.

The constant measuring creates a disconnect from ourselves, and we stop listening to ourselves, to the wisdom and the knowledge within us.

We give so much authority away, to the ‘way it should be.’

And in one way, for many of us it’s easier, because we don’t have to think too hard, we don’t have to make too many choices.

And so much of the measurement is about what’s not there, rather than what is, what’s lacking rather then what is present, in the moment, in the experience, in love, in life, in work, in play, in pleasure.

We have, a generalization, but one prevalent in so much of the world, an obsession with measuring our bodies.

Yes it’s been created, mostly to keep us insecure and buying and doing whatever we need to change it, keep it the way it is, make it different, whatever.

We measure our weight, we measure our calories, we measure our heart rate, we measure our exercise, we measure our sleep, we measure our body fat, we measure our breath.

We measure our breasts, we measure our genitals.

And we measure our sex.

We think we’re measuring our pleasure, which we can’t, but we’ll come back to that.

We measure our sex, firstly in orgasms, which we’ve made the criterion for ‘successful’ sex

We measure our sex, often in comparison to a porn model of sex, with its accompanying range of activities and bucket-list things we need to tick off and do.

We measure our sex in terms of fantasies to fulfill.

We measure our sex in terms of performance, how long, how big, how many, how much ego is involved.

We measure our sex in terms of comparison to other experiences.

When we stop measuring, when we stop comparing, when we are willing to be more present in our sexual experiences, something changes.

We start seeing what is present, what’s here, what we’re feeling.

And we become more aware of what fulfillment may be.

We become more aware of intimacy and connection.

We become more aware of energy.

We become more aware of exploration, of discovery, of adventure, of sensation, of feeling.

We become more aware of being present.

We become more aware of what’s moving within us, between us.

We become more aware of what may be sacred in the moment.

We stop focusing on getting somewhere rather than being where we are.

We drop expectations to feel what we do feel.

We can’t measure our pleasure, but if we take a moment to ask what might be fulfilling, not what we’ve been told it is, we might come up with some interesting things.

What do we really want from our sexual experiences, beyond and besides orgasm?

How about tenderness?

How about that I’d like to look into your eyes when I’m inside of you, not just for the moment that we both open our eyes at the same time, but look, long and deep, and see you.

How about that I’d like to be seen, heard, felt, held?

How about that I’d like for my desires, what I want to be acknowledged?

When we start this we’ll see how much there is in our sex, what possibilities there are.

What beautiful possibilities.