I’m pregnant.

I found out two days ago after feeling some swelling in my breasts. The pregnancy was conceived three weeks ago. I wasn’t surprised at the results because in my heart I knew. But it’s early on, and there is much to be discovered.

Will this be a viable pregnancy? We don’t know yet. I have my blood test today to verify hormone levels and just how far along I am. Roe v. Wade was overturned in the United States last week, and it brings a whole new energy to this pregnancy of mine.

I have a son; he’ll turn three next month. I love him with my whole being. And what if this pregnancy is nonviable? What if I don’t find out until I’m 10 weeks along? If I didn’t live in the state of Maine and I lived in a trigger-ban state like Alabama, what would I do? Does my son deserve to lose his mother because of a nonviable pregnancy?

This is what you are asking of women and of families now that Roe v. Wade has been overturned. I hope with every cell in my body that this new embryo of mine is healthy and will develop wholly. I hope with every cell in my body that my body is reacting the way it needs to. That this isn’t an ectopic pregnancy. That my uterus can withstand the pressure.

I survived a traumatic birth when my first son was born. If my uterus contracts this time around, it would likely explode, putting my life in severe danger. That is a risk I am knowingly taking by choosing to be pregnant again. I will have medical staff supporting me and surrounding me. But if they told me my life was at risk and that I would die should I carry to term, would you want me to die? Would you want my son to lose his mother? Would you want the family that we have built to shatter? Because that is what is happening with the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

People don’t understand birth and pregnancy in the early weeks because women hold it sacred to themselves. This is our journey, our choice, our livelihood, and our family. We deserve to live. We deserve to raise children by choice. Aside from the survival of a mother and the survival of a viable pregnancy, I read an article this morning about a two-year-old found wandering the streets in Tennessee. The home responsible for the child was found filled with rotten food, drugs, and unsanitary conditions. The adult was passed out, and the mother had left the child in the unsafe home to be babysat. This is what happens to unwanted, unloved, unsupported children.

When there isn’t access to safe decision-making and empowered women who are in a position to raise a child, the child suffers. There is no pro-life. In the United States, 420,000 children are in foster care. We have one of the highest maternal mortality rates in the world for a progressive country. We are already killing our mothers and forgetting to love those who are born.

So, I am putting myself out there. I want there to be a face to your reason. I will wait anxiously to find out if there is a heartbeat within my embryo. I will wait anxiously to find out whether this pregnancy is viable. And I will wait anxiously to know that my body is capable of withstanding this pregnancy.

And if any of those fall short, I will have the ability to save my own life. To choose to be alive for my son and my husband. Women are taken advantage of time and time again. We are not your reproductive mules. We are proud to procreate. We are proud to be the givers of life. We are proud to be women. We are proud to choose to value our life and the value of our children’s lives. No one else is allowed to claim that, and no one will take it from me.

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