I recently read an article about being too “nice” and authentic leadership at work. This specific writer was addressing different negative behaviors you are exposed to at work.  What about everyday life and kindness? What happened to civility? More and more, people must deal with bullies in life, at school or in your own family. Read on to understand the best way to manage bullying and why people display these behaviors in the first place.

Address immediately

People that bully others have experienced some sort of trauma themselves.  Bullies are hurting deeply inside, and they hurt others to cope. These behaviors can take on many forms.

You need to immediately address any bullying behavior, so it does not escalate into greater aggression. You should also report any behaviors immediately you witness. If you are being bullied walk away and don’t give the bully what they want, an emotional reaction.

Provide Teaching Moments

If you must interact with the bully again, try and have a conversation to build trust and provide other learning opportunities for the person. This might help stop the negative behaviors too. I’m speaking about using your emotional intelligence to address any specific concerns with that individual.  If the patterns of bullying continue, seek tools and resources from a higher authority such as a manager, principal, or other responsible adult like a counselor.

You also might want to consult with Anti-Bullying organizations in your area for more ideas to address the negative behaviors depending upon the circumstances.  You won’t be surprised to learn every person has had some form of bullying or harassment to deal with at one time or another.  Seeking support and help is recommended for anyone experiencing bullying.

Beware of Gaslighting

Finally, if you know something is wrong and the negative behavior does not stop, you still need to act. I’m referring to gaslighting, which happens more than you think. When you know something is not right, and you don’t have the support (or you are told “everything is okay,”) you should change that situation.  This might look like transferring to another school, leaving your job, or possibly breaking away from a relationship. This might seem drastic, but it might not end well for you or others. Listen to your gut.

A side note to think about. If the bully is creating havoc at work, or has displayed these patterns before, be very cautious of “anonymous” complaint lines.  I’ve not encountered a true anonymous complaint line that was secure. In addition, these complaint lines investigate everything that is reported, whether or not it’s factual. Furthermore, the level of investigation is up to the organization, not you. Meaning the truth may not ever be revealed or even be thoroughly investigated.