Discomfort is the status quo as I transition from a gainfully-employed litigator and legal writer to an aspiring (or some might say unemployed) artist and creative writer. Darkness haunts me daily in the form of overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, ineptitude and an overarching inability to effectively communicate with my audience – or any audience for that matter.

But in this darkness lies an opportunity which I intend to seize. I will neither succumb to the darkness nor my fears of disappointment and failure. I will instead access my inner guru – or the teacher within – to receive (or remember) the wisdom that I so desperately need.

This teacher or higher self resides in us all, whether we know it as intuition, instinct, discernment, or even clairvoyance. By accessing this intuition through higher states of awareness – and acting upon it by utilizing skillful means – we bring light to the darkness and allow the seeds of transformation to take hold.

The word “guru” means “from darkness to light.” The ancient yogis discovered long ago how to access higher states of awareness where we may come to intimately know our inner guru, as well as the unfathomable and unexplainable light that animates all of creation. It is said that this light can awaken the heart, moving the guru’s devotee from the darkness of Avidya (or ignorance) to the light of knowledge and love. From this light, we experience a deep and unobscured ‘knowing’ of the true nature of reality and of our authentic self, free of any delusion.

To summon this light, Kundalini yogis begin each practice by chanting the Adi Mantra – Adi meaning “first” or “primal.” In Sanskrit, the mantra is “Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo” meaning “I bow to the subtle divine wisdom – I bow to the divine teacher within.” This ancient mantra is a sonic tool uniting the practitioner with their own divine teacher within, as it is believed the mantra connects us to the Universal consciousness shared by the golden chain of all teachers that came before us.

So in times of immense darkness, I call upon my inner guru and ask only that I be given the stillness and clarity necessary to see things as they are – nothing more. Usually in these moments I receive more than just clarity – I receive Universal truth, unconditional love and the subtle divine wisdom that radiates from within. This light is pure truth, compassion and love, and it is endless. And with this Universal consciousness flowing through me freely, I know my truth: I am a writer, artist, healer and spiritual leader; and, more importantly, a capitalist and conqueror no longer.

I have returned to love. I am love. I am home.