Any seasoned Tinder veteran knows there are many, many red flags in the Wild West of dating.

Some walking red flags may be subtle, like that guy that didn’t close the toilet bowl lid and now you’re soaking wet at 4:00am. Others are more like a flashing neon sign than a flag, like that guy who asked for advice on making his Hinge profile stand out more while you’re cuddling up together.

I’m not sure where the ‘Crypto Guy’ lands on this scale of flags, but he’s certainly somewhere between “I think I can make this work” to “Girl, run. FAST.”

Who is the Crypto Guy?

The infamous Crypto Guy is a fascinating phenomenon that popped up somewhere around 2020, back when r/WallStreetBets was taking off #ToTheMoon and everyone and their mother was talking about investing.

Although Bitcoin is now more than a decade old and digital coinage certainly isn’t new, I think the pandemic really did something to the sports betting guys of the world who were forced to watch old highlight reels while their beloved season went MIA. I guess the concoction for the Crypto Guy prototype is quite simple when you boil it down:

1 global pandemic + Reddit – sports + the prospect of making quick cash = The Crypto Guy Origin Story

On the outside, he could be anyone—and that’s a scary thought. He doesn’t have a certain appearance exactly, but he’s typically a twenty-something male with a possible phone and gambling addiction. He doesn’t have all the nicest things in the world, but he certainly wants them.

Specifically, he wants to coast through life on the passive earnings from his various crypto investments, probably buying a van and posting about his travel endeavors on IG. He frequents the r/AntiWork subreddit, but his true passion is r/WallStreetBets, where he taps the rocket ship emoji till his pointer finger hurts. To the moon, baby! And beyond!

The real kicker about him is that he won’t. shut. up about cryptocurrency, as if he is personally gifting you with information so valuable, that only a quick Google search could give you the same answer. He doesn’t really consider that this hobby of his is only interesting to him, and that you aren’t also sitting there mansplaning the benefits of yoga to him as if he’s just as clueless.

And if you think I sound jaded, that’s because I most certainly am. (And I’m not the only one—This survey says 37% of women would not date someone obsessed with crypto. So hah.)

I first met the Crypto Guy on—you guessed it—Tinder last winter. It was lonely times, and in my defense, he was pretty cute.

The date started off okay, but I could tell there was something on his mind. Agitated, nail biting, stealing quick glances at his phone and periodically refreshing it.

To be honest, I thought he was too busy browsing his new matches and waiting on his next date of the night, so when I said “Hot new date?” and he looked bewildered at that question, I was even more perturbed.

“I’m just stressed about Bitcoin,” he said. “I keep refreshing Coinbase and it’s not good. I’ve got to hold strong but it’s really freaking me out.”

“Have you got a lot of money invested in this crypto thing?” I said.

“Yes, everything.” Everything?!?!

He spent the rest of the date “trying to focus” on me and the conversation, but I could tell he was gradually getting more stressed by the minute. Thoughts of losing his entire savings was consuming him, and while I felt bad for not feeling bad, I also think he could’ve canceled the date if things were that tough for him.

I’m not gonna lie, we went on a second date. And a third. And he probably talked about crypto and NFTs 50% of the time, explaining concepts that were both wildly confusing and boring. I just couldn’t get down with it and I sent him on his way after date #3.

Adding to my list of male archetypes I just cannot get down with (including frat bros and finance brahs), crypto guys are a definite ‘no’ moving forward.

Cheers to many more dating adventures!