When I was a teenage girl, I was, like almost all teenage girls, very insecure about the way I looked. I had pretty severe acne, braces, glasses, the works. And on top of that, my nipples started growing before the rest of my breasts did; I didn’t have the beautiful round breasts I saw my friends having, or even my family. Soon, I came to a point where I wouldn’t even leave the house without wearing a bra, as to cover up the fact that I had “pointy” breasts.

For a long time still, after that age, I wanted to get plastic surgery once I’d saved up enough, so that I could have those beautiful round bouncy boobs too that I saw on all the models, on all the actresses, and all the mannequins who were wearing the lingerie I wanted to buy.

It wasn’t until I learned that Marilyn Monroe (not only sex- but also considered to be a timeless beauty icon) wore pointy bras in her days.

It was fashion.

The shape of breasts was fashion.

This, to me, was both infuriating and liberating to hear; after all, I did not care about hypes, fashion-wise or other, that much anyways. So if that counts for my breasts too, what did I even have to be insecure about? Even moreso, if I would’ve been born at a different time, I would’ve had the perfect breasts.

I decided right then and there that I was not going to play that game, and I was done feeling insecure about my breasts. 

I refused to let some fashion hype be such a source of deep insecurity and hurt. 

But before I could make that decision… I had to know.

I didn’t before. I didn’t know that every few decades, the ideal image of a woman’s body changes drastically. That “beauty” in that sense, actually has very little to do with (what I now consider to be) actual beauty, and actually has more to do with hype.

Beauty, true beauty, has, in fact, surprisingly little to do with external features. 

I must’ve been around 13 or 14 back then – when I learned about Marilyn’s bra’s, that is. 

And the impact that this event has had on my life… I am learning deeper and deeper what beauty is about, and seeing more of it in every woman I lay eyes upon – including myself.

Beauty is about so much more. Beauty is an energy. It is a sense of self-worth; a certain flair; and an intentionality. 

Beauty, in that sense, both comes from within, your glow, what you radiate, how you carry yourself, and, on top of that, it is a decision. 

It is a decision regarding your worthiness. It is a claiming of yourself, that makes you a truly, earth-shatteringly beautiful woman. 

Beauty is a balance too; a balance between powerfulness & softness; a balance between caring for your external body, and being comfortable with your nakedness (in different senses of the word); a balance between confidence & purity.

But redefining beauty for oneself is a long process, and it comes with a LOT of unlearning. And learning where your sense of beauty, isn’t even about your own sense of beauty (just yet). 

By now, at age 25, I am proud to say that I don’t want to alter my breasts any longer – and haven’t for a few years. Of course, I still get confronted with the fact that they look different from what I always considered to be beautiful breasts – but even so, the gratification I get from learning to see the beauty of my body… I cannot imagine that any physical change would even come close to that feeling of increasingly learning to see your own beauty. And to love your own breasts 😉