‘I am coming to know and accept my Yoni. There’s a conversation that’s happening, a connection that I feel more and more.’

It’s a simple statement, and it means so much.

The relationship many of us have with our bodies, and more specifically our genitals, is at best functional.

And when we have that kind of relationship with the pleasure centres in our body, it’s difficult to have experiences of deeper, higher pleasure and fulfilment.

I said that the relationship we have with our Yoni and Lingam is at best functional.

Functional means that everything works, and that’s our concern.

At best.

The truth is that many of us have a disconnected, judgmental, separated relationship with these beautiful, powerful, mysterious, magical and delicious parts of our bodies.

The judgment and disconnect run deep.

They’re fuelled by the industries of illusion, porn, religion, beauty, which love us to be insecure.

The first layer of this is appearance.

The way we’ve been told our Yoni or Lingam should look, taste, smell. How big, how small, how like a porn star, how unnatural and sanitized.

The next layer is the emotional connection.

We’ve been told, from so many sources, that our genitals are dirty, nasty, don’t touch, and worse.

There’s guilt in this, shame and embarrassment that disconnects us from our pleasure. It causes us to keep ourselves hidden, in the dark.

Then there’s the judgment on pleasure.

On having too much pleasure, too many orgasms, being too loud, too wet.

Then there’s performance. The way the media, porn and mainstream, have told us sex should be.

And the pressure to perform, which feeds us back into insecurity.

We’re just scratching the surface here, and many reading this will know what’s disconnected you from your genitals.

Everything is a relationship.

And this is such a vital relationship.

When there’s a negative, contractive relationship, there’s a disconnect between our sex and heart.

There’s a disconnect between our sex and throat, and we don’t realize the importance of that connection and the energy that flows in it.

There’s a disconnect between our sex and the rest of our body, which means that our sexuality and pleasure are in an empty space. It’s not in the context of our lives.

We take it out, from hiding, in very limited circumstances, we use it, put it away again, back in hiding.

It’s as if there was a gap in our body, an empty space.

So much of the judgment and disconnect keeps us, and our pleasure, in a state of tension and rigidity.

There’s no relaxation, there’s no softness, and it’s hard for there to be flow.

We have isolated experiences, we turn on, we turn off.

A vital element of the sexual healing journey is this relationship.

And as we explore we find that it’s not only about pleasure, but a source of inner knowledge and wisdom, connected to so many aspects of our being.

Because what happens in our sexuality is connected to so many other aspects of our lives, and our sexuality is expressed in so many ways that are not directly about sex.

It tells us about our light and our shadow, about what we reveal, what we hide.

It tells us about the hidden fire and the depths of passion.

It opens our hearts.

It allows energy to flow throughout our body.

There’s an acceptance that’s so deeply connected to wholeness.

If that judgment exists about one part, such an important part of ourselves, and the disconnect it brings, we can’t be whole, complete within ourselves.

This acceptance brings a relaxation, a release into the fullness of who we are, and the pleasure we can experience.

And it’s a relationship of possibility.

It’s a life-long relationship, it changes as we change, as we grow and expand.

And it keeps opening insight, taking us deeper into ourselves, into pleasure, into love.