You may be abandoning yourself without knowing it. I tell you this because only after you become aware of something can you do something to change it.

We say yes when we want to say no. We agree to stay late at work even though we’re tired. We forgo our daily routines that help us feel our best. We put our energy into other people’s to-do lists before our own. There are so many unique ways to abandon yourself. Personalized acts of self-betrayal. Some big, some small.

I’m not advising you to stop doing things for other people, but to bring awareness to your choices, actions, and their consequences. Create balance in your life and raise yourself up on your list of priorities. If, for instance, you forgo your morning routine one day in order to get an assignment done for your boss, pay yourself that time back later that night. Be cognizant of the way you’re living your life and how it affects you. The more you abandon yourself the more you feel burnt out, sad, irritable, and out of control.

At first self-abandonment may seem small and insignificant, maybe even self-righteous. Helping your friend when you are already overwhelmed. Agreeing to go out to dinner when you want to stay in. Agreeing to be in a wedding party you don’t have money for. These things add up. Choose wisely. The more you let your boundaries slip, the more likely you are to let them slip in the future. The more you allow your boundaries to be crossed, the more resentful you become.

Remedy self-abandon by getting to know yourself. Make forming a relationship with yourself a priority. Learn what makes you feel satisfied. Put your energy into things that make you feel good. Failing to know yourself is a form of self-abandonment in and of itself.

Remember this life is a journey, a learning experience. Extend yourself grace. Sometimes self-love is intentionally choosing not to work out today, having an extra tequila shot, going to a party to support someone you love even though you’ll be tired the next day. Self-abandonment is beating yourself up because because you misstepped. Accept and love yourself through it all, don’t judge yourself. You are enough right now as you are today.

When privileged to live in communities where basic needs are met, there is no honor in sacrificing who you are for others. There is no honor in putting yourself last. No admirable sacrifice in putting others needs before your own. Instead, show others through example how to love themselves first. In a world telling you to step in line with the status quo, have the courage to dictate what is best for you. Be brave and do the work to determine what is best for you. Trust that you know your own way. Show others they can bravely forge their own way.