“I watched as I struggled with my different identities growing up.

Life seemed to be a plethora of mirrors, each reflecting a facet that I either loved or hated. This aunt showed me how to greet new people by kissing me vigorously on the lips and that uncle taught me to shake hands instead. I observed the ways people responded and each brought a different and totally confusing option. I tried them all of course, and found out that I preferred to just say ‘hello’ instead of the rigmarole of gestures that were performed by family and friends alike.

Finding out who I was, was a mine field of options and some of the not-so-smiled-upon ones were the ones that I naturally gravitated towards.

I found that I was one type of person with family, who expected the worst and best of me, and I was someone totally different with friends, who expected nothing and were quite content to let me be the worst and the best version of myself, as I saw fit.

I modelled myself on a matriarchy, who was highly creative, yet who abdicated when it came to bringing that powerful creativity forward into the lime light and a patriarchy, who intelligently guided the family, yet who dismissed emotions as anything worthy of attention.

And so I adjusted and hid my emotions, so that the world could not see that I too hurt and had feelings. I tried really hard to control the creative urges in me, but an unknown force working from beyond time, would not allow me to retreat and I was forced to pay attention.

I figured out that everyone I came across, was faced with the exact same dilemma and yet some found it way easier to harness an exact persona and ride it all the way to kingdom come.

And me . . .

Not a chance!

I straddled a number of identities, enough to be welcomed in any psychological manual on identity disorders and saw myself respond to many a situation in which I could not keep track of myself.

Eventually it became mildly amusing.

I finally made contact with my creative side, after a long suffering defiance, and saw that one persona was too restrictive for me. I needed the thrill and exhilaration of insanity and all of its goodies.

I finally realised that I was made to bring a crescendo of variances to this world . . . this reality.

Much like being a conductor of an orchestra, instead of playing one instrument really well.

I also had a sense of the disorders that people bandy about all the time. I could sit with people in an environment and not find the words to speak eloquently and yet on a stage, I could deliver the most profound teachings.

I could be so open minded with certain people, regardless of whether I knew them or not, and with others I clammed shut and no crow bar could pry the pleasant out of me.

Often, I felt like an Elf, on the brink of a world that I did not know, and yet I was intrigued by it and utterly terrorised too!

Many times, I felt like an impostor.

Of course, I had a persona which fooled the world and everyone thought I had it together . . .

“ I must find that persona again, I thought I stuffed her in a cupboard a while back “

I finally saw that my creativity was the perfect camouflage and it allowed me to play with concepts that boggled mainstream minds.

I could explore where the rational feared to tread.

I could join the dots that seemed so far apart, that no single-minded brain could forge an alliance from their differences.

It is indeed correct that . . .”

‘the rational woman tries to adapt herself to the world, and the irrational woman tries to adapt the world to her, therefore all progress depends upon the irrational woman.’