Almost a decade ago, I met someone who ticked all the right boxes.

He was everything I had ever wished for. You could say he was my second half—my mirror.

We got into a short-lived relationship and got stuck in an endless on-and-off cycle afterward. It went on for many years, and although he would unexpectedly disappear on me for weeks and months, I stopped myself from getting into another relationship.

I dated many, connected with hundreds, and explored the different facets of love. But I saved the rest of my life for him. For me, I could only be in a worthy and deserving relationship with him because no one would tick all the boxes the way he did.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine shared a video with me on Instagram.

Matthew Hussey, the prominent dating coach, talks about finding the right person for us and how to actually know if they’re the one.

Watching that video felt like taking a step back in time. Hussey reminded me of the most important lesson I had learned when I realized that I would never be with that someone ever again:

 

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Someone can tick every single box and still not be ready for you. Although we had an intense bond and there was chemistry that was unmatched, it wasn’t enough. I missed the point all along.

It’s not about enchantment; it’s about readiness.

Voila! This is the one and only thing you need to know about being with the right person. As Hussey says, having a deep connection with someone doesn’t make them right for you.

“You can’t have he’s right for me but he’s not ready.”

We could wait for years for someone to choose us, but it doesn’t change the fact that they haven’t chosen us yet. Choice comes before chemistry. Choice comes before perfection. Choice comes before anything.

“Are they thinking about me?” is the wrong question. “Are they coming back?” is the wrong one too.

“Are they ready for me?” is all you need to ask yourself today. If the answer is no, you know what to do.

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