Last night at Biodanza my friend Christos said something which resonated deeply me with regards to sex, to sensuality, to pleasure, and of course, to life.

Why of course to life?

Because these things are all the same, they’re not separate from life, they are life.

And I’m going to come back to this.

Here’s what he said, and I’m paraphrasing slightly.

The dance is the purpose.

So often in life we do things for other things.

We meditate for other things, to be calmer, to feel more connected, whatever it is that we get from it.

We exercise for other things.

So much is in preparation for something else.

And when we begin to do things for themselves there’s a joy that emerges, a presence and an awareness.

There’s a depth or connection with what we’re doing that is simply sublime. We feel, we sense.

Now let’s put this in the context of pleasure, of sexuality.

Mostly, everything we do with a lover is because it’s about getting to the next thing.

We kiss so I can touch your breasts. I touch your breasts so I can touch your Yoni. I touch your Yoni so I can be inside you. I’m inside of you so I can have an orgasm.

Whatever way we do it, there’s a progression, and we do what we do because that’s how we get to the next step.

A while ago I taught a Conscious Kissing lesson to a couple I’m working with.

On one hand it’s quite a simple thing, on another it changed so much in their sexual pleasure.

They came back a few weeks later and shared with me that they’d spent an hour just kissing.

And nothing else. Just kissing. And just kissing became an exploration, a discovery, a learning, and an experience of deep intimacy, and both wild and subtle pleasure.

The learning was on many levels, presence and awareness being 2 of the prime things that emerged. How present can we be in sex, for how long, and how aware are we of this, of the feelings, of the sensations, of the experience?

Then there was the learning of time.

How much time we actually spend in pleasure rather than rushing to get to the end, to penetration in some way, and to orgasm.

Then there was the learning about patterns, which was linked to discovery, curiosity and exploration.

Patterns are a key element of my work, and in this context it’s the patterns of how we kiss, which is pretty much in the same way every time.

There is so much more we can do with our mouths, with our tongues, with our eyes, our breaths, sounds, when we kiss.

And so much of this emerged from ‘just kissing.’

Just kissing became a world of its own.

Can we bring this idea to pleasure, to sensuality, to sex, more.

And can we bring it to love, can we bring it to life?

Can we touch for the touch, to feel your skin, your body?

Can we experience the delights, the delicious, amazing sensation of being inside of you, of having you inside me, savor, relish?

Can we sit opposite each other, breathe, just for the breath, for what’s in the breath, not chasing anything, not moving, not going anywhere?

Can we love, simply to love?

Can we love because it’s beautiful to love?

And life, live to live.

Nothing else.

It’s in the moment, in all the moments of life, of love, of pleasure, that we find this.

We find ourselves.

We find the Divine.

We dance for the dance, kiss for the kiss, touch for the touch.

That’s all.

And maybe that’s all that matters.