If I’m being completely honest, in a perfect world I’d make money doing tarot card readings, reading astrological birth charts, and having conversations from the heart that help people find their most in touch sense of self.

From survival mode to here, I think the most fun I’ve had in life is finding the things that bring me healing and having them work. I wasn’t the person that could drink away a sad day and feel better, exercise consistently while undergoing stress, or find complete serenity in TV or a book. It has always been complicated for me to relax, I had to seek out and find out what healed me.

Due to this my idols are Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, Rachel Brathen, and The Holistic Psychologist – all people who made a career and a lifestyle out of healing. Sometimes I think to myself that perhaps a career in social work needs to be my next move, or maybe even a phD so that I can write books and study sociology. I frequently have to remind myself that the best way towards my dreams is to move in any direction that involves them, before charging towards expensive degrees. For me that might mean reading books, writing articles like this, or doing a cleansing or divination practice that inspires me.

I used to be far too concerned about immediate issues to have an idea of a dream. The only dream I remember having as a child was to have a horse. After I figured out that becoming a doctor was well known to be a good thing, I wanted to become a doctor- but the root of that desire was a younger version of myself wanting recognition from my parents.

My place in the world of dreams is a new and shaky one. It’s only recently that I’ve felt well enough to be present, well enough to trust the feelings that come through me, and well enough to want something I don’t know for a fact is possible. For whatever reason, it took my nervous system a very long time to get to this place. If I were to make the way clear for someone who can relate to struggling with that, I’d say is to follow and trust every feeling that arises. About 15,000 rabbit holes later, your true self will be waiting with a dream.

I withstood a few very high highs and low lows among weeks before I saw the sun and could be a witness to how far I have come. My dad once said that “perception is reality” in terms of belief, and I find that rings incredibly true. With this new perspective, I live in a new world. Without learning to withstand the big feelings I had stored in my bones since I was young, I was blinded from perspective. I’m sure to some degree, I still am. I feel like a kid picking up sea shells on the beach to form a picture I didn’t know was possible. In this new world there are still things to be afraid of, like dying, being rendered unable to learn or make art (this may be my new worst-case scenario), or having no time with my family.  In this new world, being anxious isn’t a pragmatic way to address fears, though, so it isn’t my go-to. In this world I appreciate what I have, don’t question what comes up within me, and accept that I’ll have to face the product of how I live and what I choose. Because everything comes from a true place within my heart, each thing I face ultimately brings contentment. In this place, I can dream, plan, and move forward. In this place, I can identify having a dream.

This week my intention is to appreciate the moments that make following my dreams possible. I will welcome each place I’m in as a sacred space for myself to grow. I will find joy, and honesty, in moments that come with a challenge.