A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there

I had a fridge magnet with this quote and it helped me so much when I needed it. I’m a firm believer that we always have a choice. Yes, always. Life hardly ever follows our plans.  Each of us has experienced uncomfortable painful feelings and memories. Experiencing loss, pain, suffering, humiliation and unfairness changes our perception of life and of ourselves forever… up until now! But is this damage really irreparable? Originally, I thought the subject of this book would make an excellent PhD thesis (and of course, a title of doctor would flatter my ego) but after some reflection, I decided that the book would help more people as it would hopefully be more widely available.

In preparation for a scientific study of enoughness, I conducted research and asked 100 people the questions: Do you feel enough? If yes, why? And if not, why?

The results, out of the 100 were:

• 2 said, Yes, because they feel happy and have everything they wished for in life
• 4 said, they don’t know, because each of them is still in the process of figuring life out
• 94 said, no,

and here the answers were:

• I am too fat, not attractive enough
• I didn’t achieve what I should have in life
• I don’t have money
• I don’t have a partner/spouse a family
• I am not successful enough
• My life is not meaningful
• I struggle with my health/sleep, addiction, exercise consistency
• I don’t have a good relationship with myself, etc.

1. How did you predict the results of that survey?
2. What would be your answer to that question?
3. Do you identify with any of these answers?

You probably have realised by now that life is somehow a dance between the events happening to us and our ability to adapt to them.

Life doesn’t really like to be choreographed or planned ahead. Ultimately, adapting means to either choose to say yes to life and what it throws at us, therefore stretching our comfort zone and courageously inviting the new and unknown in by taking risks, making an effort and accepting temporary discomfort but hopefully gaining in the long run or staying in the known, predictable and safe comfort zone. The choice is always ours. The decisions we take, the choices we make and the life invitations we reject or accept, all of these, shape our lives.

Let me share more about myself with you so that you can understand why this book was created and how it literally turned my life and the lives of others, around.

Who am I?

My name is Aneta Justyna Karolina Grabiec. I was born and raised in Poland, however, my surname certainly indicates that my roots and genetics are from elsewhere, a mix of history and geography makes our ancestry, but I digress…

I grew up in a small town with the mindset of kindness, generosity, and innocence, with an attitude of ‘who are you to dream big’. It was a culture, where children were seen but not heard and staying in the comfort zone was safe because I was expected to thrive in everything and meet the expected level of social perfectionism.

Those expectations lead to me being the best at school academically, great at sports, music, dance, other things; and every time I came second best or ‘only’ exceptionally good, I did not approve of myself. I was ashamed and embarrassed that I was ‘not good enough’ because I couldn’t meet the expectations of perfection.

When I write about it now, when I lecture and talk to my clients, I can’t help but feel compassion for that young child, for that teenager who, instead of enjoying the playfulness of childhood and the antics of the teenage years, would waste a lot of time and energy on self-judgment and criticism. There was a constant worry, almost like a fearful obsession with a never-ending mantra “What if I don’t succeed”? If I met that young human now, I would greet her with a big hug of approval and build her up with praise and acceptance. I would encourage her to enjoy life, appreciate herself, feel safe and be comfortable with who she is and to reach for her dreams.

How do you feel about what I have just shared?

How much does this resonate with you?

This book will be all about making you feel uncomfortable.

Yes.

Confronting what may not have been approached yet – Asking the question who are you and who are you meant to be?

What do you desire to be without the masks, culture, and filters that fabricated the inauthentic version of you, which exists today?

Understanding the difference between the ‘you’ that has conformed to society’s norms and the ‘you’ that you desire to be, is what empowers you to become the person who you are meant to be.

Society’s expectations are the biggest hurdles you will face and when you actively decide to choose what is right for you, only then will you allow yourself to be who you were always meant to be.

I have so much faith in you and that you will allow yourself that

Extract from: “How To Be Good Enough” by acknowledged by Her Majesty The Queen, award-winning author for her debut book: “How To Get Pregnant: Shortcut To Your Fertility”