We explore a wellness practice like meditation, journaling, breathwork, or Reiki hoping to induce a relaxing state of ease and bliss.

And yet — particularly in times of increased stress — any of these practices can unearth the dis-ease and discomfort that was previously dormant below the surface, leaving us feeling confusingly worse than before.

My Story

I first experienced Reiki momentarily at the conclusion of a massage. I had zero understanding of what was happening — which current-day me does not love one bit — but I felt profoundly shifted. It grounded me. I was serene. Though I left the session puzzled, I felt thrilled at the prospect of a positive shift in my mood. Intrigued, I reached out to the massage therapist months afterward to investigate what that feeling was, and I rebooked for a full hour Reiki session.

I awaited the same inspiring results — more so, even, from an hour-long session. However, I was disappointed, angry, and scared when I felt uneasy during and after the session. It seemed like my body was unbalanced and my whole right side appeared weighed down with a muddy, blurry energy. For a month after, I was so irritable. It was hard to be around my family and colleagues.

I now understand why I felt awful, but I didn’t then, and the Reiki practitioner didn’t inform me (red flag).

Any of our go-to wellness practices can eventually reveal deep-rooted distress. Ever abruptly tear up in a massage? Sometimes feel sentimental in a heart-opening yoga pose? Yoga Journal recently reflected on this, noting: “Finally got that cry out that I needed thanks to yoga today. When emotions get stuck in the body it causes pain and tension.”

That’s energy — chi, prana, ki — shifting. It’s rebalancing and remapping to promote an eventual sense of calm and alignment in body, mind, and spirit. But at the moment, it can feel like you are being cracked wide open.

This is what we call a healing crisis, and it can feel like the flu is dancing with anxiety all around you. A healing crisis can encompass mental and physical aspects, and though it’s temporary, it’s no fun. It’s also baffling if our Reiki or wellness practitioner didn’t prepare us for the possibility of it happening.

The term “healing crisis” feels inaccurate to me, but I use that term because it’s the wording my teacher shared, and it’s a fairly accepted term. I’d prefer to ease the connotation of the term “crisis” and instead focus on the “healing.” A crisis feels hopeless, but here, we know what’s happening. Adopting the more gentle expression of a friend, this is a healing “dilemma.”

We accumulate stress, angst, worry, and unease. If we apply the analogy of our body as a watering hose, the twists and turns of life kink and knot up our hose. We may become accustomed to the knots to survive, forging ahead with willpower while living with suppressed physical and emotional pain. Acts of self-care may temporarily smooth a knot or two, providing intermittent relief. However, when we delve into more powerful, repeated practices like Reiki to address the engrained layers of knots, all the gunk caught in the hose has to go somewhere as it washes away.

While that release is ultimately beneficial, it can be a rollercoaster during the unraveling. Some may experience physical detox symptoms, like a headache or body aches, and others may have a temporary mental shift, feeling prickly or angry.

It is imperative we are conscious of these potential side effects not only so we can make informed decisions, but also because our deep-rooted stress is at an unprecedented high. If you’ve been on planet Earth in the past 2 years, you’ve experienced a level of cumulative trauma unique to our lifetimes.

This may all sound bleak, but it’s not. Rather, it’s a reminder that a quick, superficial “fix” is also likely impermanent. The complex work of healing and realigning our physical, emotional, mental, and physical selves takes time and can sometimes appear messy. I propose that “messy” feeling is a signal of growth, and I’m proud of all of us for forging ahead with open minds and hearts.

I discovered this sentiment while writing this journal:

in a world that glamorizes ‘big breakthroughs,’ the truth is that most of the healing work actually lies in the small, slow, tedious, digestible process of showing up for ourselves over and over and over again. keep going.

It may take some extra effort to get there, but the breakthroughs are coming. My journey has been a very messy squiggle and never a perfect, straight line. I invite you to forge ahead with me. The trek may feel intimidating at first, but the views along the way become priceless.