How to stop overworking and burning out and start enjoying success on your own terms

I woke up one day realising that I was not born to be a workhorse.

I am not here to constantly prove my worth to parents, boyfriends, bosses, and society. I wasn’t born to fit into a “post-modern feminist” box that tells me to “lean in,” “be a girl boss,” and that I can “do it all.”

I wasn’t born to fit a certain masculine idea of success mold.

I was born a woman.

A feminine essence woman.

A being with its own unique gifts and talents who cannot be tamed, conquered, or put in a box that pleasantly fits into the “future is female” box.

The current feminism wave wants us to be like men. Think like men, do like men, act like men—because being like men is “better.” More powerful, more successful, more productive. But being like men is the opposite of being like women. So in this obsessive quest to be like men, we are going against our true feminine essence that operates on different engines and principles.

What if my ambitions are much bigger than living my life as a man? What if I belong in my own separate unique category of being a woman who wants success to be on my own terms—easy, joyful, and to feel good?

What if my idea of success includes not only making it out there in the big wide world but also being a mother, nurturing a family and a household, and fully occupying this incredible vessel that is my body full of feelings, sensations, and textures?

The peculiar thing is that today women have the most opportunity and possibility to create and live our best lives and, yet, so many of us are stressed, heartbroken, and drained.

Why is that?

Perhaps because we view success as a universal measuring stick for everyone: make money, live a great lifestyle, be able to afford what you want, be at the top of your career or business. The higher and bigger the productivity, efficiency, and profitability, the better.

But what if these masculine measures of success don’t really work for women?

We are trying so hard to not only be at the top of our game and succeed in the outer world running businesses and careers but also be great mothers, wives, and nurturers. It’s harder for women precisely because we’re trying to do everything for everyone, be everything to everyone.

And it doesn’t work.

We’re depleted, drained, and exhausted.

We’re burned out, tired, bitter, and resentful.

Feminine Success Principles

Feminine success is different from masculine success. Success for women looks differently simply because it involves another dimension: that of femininity and womanhood. Depth and sensuality. Becoming a mother, if one chooses this path. Becoming a wife, if one wants to be married. Building a home. Building a seven-figure business, if that’s what she desires. Building a community. Being concerned more with the well-being of the collective than just with the results, profits, and output.

We want to succeed but we want to do it our own way.

A new kind of woman is needed today.

A woman who is free in her being.

A woman who doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone.

A woman who is connected to her feminine depth.

Here are the nine Feminine Success Principles I’ve developed over the years through my own experience and coaching with hundreds of women:

1. Feminine success is turning on magnetism in all areas of life

Magnetism is the feminine ability to draw our desires in. It’s the opposite of masculine manifestation that has a “fast-forward” quality to it. Manifestation penetrates the world of desires. Magnetism pulls desires in based on a certain state or feeling in the body.

Turning on magnetism in all areas of life means becoming so magnetic in our being that things are coming our way without too much effort or trying too hard. Magnetism is working on and developing the qualities of trust, receptivity, conviction, and pleasure in our bodies. Magnetism is seducing our desire so it wants to be part of our life, similar to how we seduce men.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> Where am I trying too hard to make things happen? Deep down inside, what is driving this behaviour?
>> Where can I let go and let my desires come to me?
>>  How do I want to feel in all areas of life?

2. Feminine success is surrendering into the masculine container of Men, Money, and Universe

This principle means that I let these containers take care of me. It means that I allow this relationship to exist. I let it flow without trying to control it. I lean back and receive what men, money, and the universe have to offer.

I open my legs, my mind, and my heart to men, money, and universe. I deeply trust that men, money, and universe have my back.

I trust that they want to take care of me. That I don’t need to push, strive, or work so hard to make it happen. That I do not compete with men for money or the spotlight. I own my own spotlight as a sovereign being.

My job is not to work hard but to surrender hard.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> Where am I not allowing myself to surrender fully into the container of men, money, and Universe?
>> Why do I feel that I need to work so hard to make success happen?
>> What is a belief my body is holding that doesn’t allow me to relax and surrender?

3. Feminine success is depth first, structure second

Feminine success is going deep first and building structure second. The feminine knows that without depth, the structure is going to wobble. The feminine knows that to show up, interact, communicate, and succeed in the outer world, she needs to come from a place of inner power.

She shows up from a place of power when she is grounded in who she is, what she wants, what her boundaries are, and how she feels.

She is not afraid of her feelings. Instead, she sees her body as a powerful instrument that she uses to play her tunes of sensation composing songs about her desires. This is how she creates her body of work and leaves a mark, contributing to her lineage. She knows that if her foundation is not properly set up, the structure will fall like a house of cards.

She knows that a long-lasting house is built on a solid foundation. And that foundation is depth. A deep relationship with herself and her body. An undeniable unapologetic time with herself. A relationship that needs to be built, nurtured, and developed.

She is constantly interested in asking the questions:

>> Who am I becoming now? How does it feel?
>> What’s standing in my way of achieving what I desire?
>> What resources and support I have available to help me get closer to my desire?

4. Feminine success is letting the journey be easy and joyful 

Success, in masculine terms, means hard work, determination, ambition, and drive. It is the relentless ability of an individual to achieve their goals and stay on course, and the unquestionable drive to move forward and only “to the top.”

Feminine success looks and feels different. The masculine is only concerned with the outer, visible side of success. The masculine is concerned with gaining status, building a legacy, accumulating resources, and playing protector and provider for himself and his family, neighbourhood, nation, and humanity.

The feminine is concerned with the inner, invisible world of feelings and sensations, deep relationships, and the intricate connections that happen below the surface. She is concerned with the aliveness and richness of the quality of life; her own well-being and the well-being of others.

While the masculine builds, the feminine creates. While the masculine thinks and strategises, the feminine feels and decides based on what she knows to be right.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> Where are you not allowing ease and joy in your life?
>> I am afraid to allow ease, joy, and pleasure into my life because…
>>  If success is easy, joyful, and pleasurable then I can…

5. Feminine success is knowing that power lies in the relationship with our sexuality

When a woman knows herself intimately, she knows the whole of life. When a woman is multi-orgasmic, she brings that orgasmic quality into every area of her life. Being in tune with our sexuality is the ultimate embodiment tool. Harnessing that potential is the most powerful weapon.

Bringing that turned-on energy into the bedroom, as well as the boardroom, and making decisions from that place is extremely powerful, magnetic, and potent.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> What is the relationship with my sexuality?
>> How can I develop this relationship?
>> How can I bring the quality of orgasm into my everyday life?

6. Feminine success is honouring and being aligned with the season of the cycle we’re in

“The psyches and souls of women also have their own cycles and seasons of doing and solitude, running and staying, being involved and being removed, questing and resting, creating and incubating, being of the world and returning to the soul-place.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

Honouring our cycle means honouring the natural flow of our being. It means working with and not against our cyclical nature of who we are. Using the built-in mechanism of winter, spring, summer, and autumn to sustainably go through life is a woman’s greatest task. It is the container that holds her own rhythm. She lives and moves through the world according to her own unique rhythm. This includes the seasons of her menstrual cycle and her own life, the seasons of nature, and the planet.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> What is my relationship with my cycle?
>> How can I start practicing menstrual cycle awareness, tracking my cycle, and noticing what’s happening in every season of my cycle?
>>How can I start aligning my life with the waves of my cycle starting with making small changes and implementing only 1 percent of those changes?

7. Feminine success is harnessing our creative energy to continuously discover and explore our unique feminine flavour

Creativity is where the river flows. It’s where our soul comes to life. To deny creativity is to deny life that wants to flow through us. Creativity teaches a woman to get out of her head and into the body. Creativity teaches a woman to detach from the result or outcome because the outcome doesn’t matter. It teaches a woman to trust the next moment when her hands suddenly start to create something out of nothing: put sentences together, mix colours together, weave fabrics together. The hands know. The psyche knows. We just need to learn how to trust it.

When a woman’s soul is deprived of creative flow, it stagnates and becomes murky. This muddy texture is dark, dense, and suffocating. When a woman starts to get out of this darkness letting the creative currents of her life take over, she flourishes and nourishes herself from the inside. Ideas flow. Air starts to circulate through the inside rooms of her psyche. She gets uplifted, full of fresh energy and life

“Be wild; that is how to clear the river. The river does not flow in polluted, we manage that. The river does not dry up, we block it. If we want to allow it its freedom, we have to allow our ideational lives to be let loose, to stream, letting anything come, initially censoring nothing. That is creative life. It is made up of divine paradox. To create one must be willing to be stone stupid, to sit upon a throne on top of a jackass and spill rubies from one’s mouth. Then the river will flow, then we can stand in the stream of it raining down.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves

Questions to ask yourself:

>> What is my relationship with creativity?
>> Where and why am I not allowing myself to be creative?
>> What creative task/endeavour can I pick up/sign up for right now?
>> What is something I always wanted to do but never allowed myself to?

8. Feminine success is prioritising pleasure and knowing that pleasure is always available and always accessible

So many of us are depriving ourselves of everyday pleasure. Not only sexual pleasure but overall pleasure in general. We are so stuck in our heads all the time that we forget to take a breath, slow down, and feel pleasure in the mundane, seemingly unpleasurable things such as rays of the sun, green grass, the smell of flowers.

We are not allowing pleasure to flow in. We tense our minds, our buttocks, and our vaginas. We tense our hearts.

Pleasure requires a certain quality of letting go of control and allowing things to enter our space, our bodies, our psyches.

Pleasure doesn’t have to be big and flashy. Pleasure can be small and quiet and only for you. If we learn how to receive pleasure every day, our lives will be transformed. If we prioritise pleasure every day, the quality of that life will be elevated to new degrees.

We don’t need to work hard to receive or feel it. Pleasure is always available and always accessible. No one can give or take away pleasure from us. It is our job to open up to pleasure and to allow ourselves to feel it.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> What is my relationship with pleasure?
>> What are the obstacles for me to receive pleasure?
>> How can I bring pleasure into my daily life through daily rituals or routines?

9. Feminine success is using style as a tool for self-expression in all areas of life

Style is not something we are born with. Style is a learned skill. Some of us start to learn style from the day we are born from our parents, family, culture, environment, and many other factors. Others, like me, have to learn style much later in life as grown-up women. It is never too late.

Style is an expression of who you are in everything you do and what surrounds you. Style is not only the clothes you wear and how you wear them but also an internal alignment to how you feel, what’s important to you, what you value, and how you show up in the world. It’s an expression of your unique feminine flavour.

Using style as a tool of self-expression means bringing more of who you are to the table no matter what table you’re sitting at. And when you express yourself in powerful confident ways, you are magnetic. The most attractive people are people who confidently and unapologetically embody who they are.

Questions to ask yourself:

>> Who are some of the women whose style you admire?
>> How does your ideal wardrobe look like?
>> How can I bring more of myself into the way I express myself in the world?