‘I would guess that this isn’t the first time you have had this request but definitely a first for me…I would like to explore further into the sensual realm but am single and don’t foresee this changing any time soon.

Would it be possible to find a man who would like to possibly explore alongside me without wanting a relationship?’

This was a message I received recently, and it certainly is not the first time I’ve had similar messages, from men and women.

When we choose, consciously choose, to explore our sexuality and sensuality, our eroticism, we choose to explore ourselves. We choose to explore our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our energy.

We choose to explore our beliefs, about pleasure, about intimacy, about connection, about love.

We’re asking questions, of ourselves, of the partners we choose to share these experiences with.

We’re exploring and setting boundaries.

We’re learning to communicate, clearly, openly.

We’re examining our expectations.

And we’re looking at our patterns, oh yes we are. Deeply, standing before ourselves, looking at what we’ve done sexually, sensually and intimately.

We’re learning to ask for what we want, what we’d like to do, what we’d like to give, receive, share.

We’re exploring freedom, what that means, sexual freedom, emotional freedom, intellectual freedom, social freedom.

Our sexuality is a path to knowing ourselves, in so many ways.

There’s a definition of Conscious Sexuality that I use.

To be present during sex, and to allow whatever emerges, whatever arises, to be there.

For us to look at, engage with, heal, learn, see, feel.

As well as all the pleasure, the sensations, the excitement, the exploration, there’s also our anger, guilt, shame, embarrassment, hurt, rejection, abandonment.

There’s the aspects of ourselves we’ve never owned, disconnected from, suppressed.

So much plays out in our sexuality, patterns that have nothing to do with sex, and our sexuality is expressed and reflected in so many other aspects of life.

It’s a journey that requires us to be spontaneous and curious, to dance with what’s in the moment, in the experience.

And to understand that as much as it’s about pleasure, it’s also about our minds and our hearts.

Delicate hearts sometimes.

Minds with stories and fears.

The pasts we’ve lived, the hurts we’ve felt.

And these experiences bring them to awareness.

Often in discussion someone says ‘It’s just sex.’

I don’t think so.

I don’t think it’s ever ‘just sex’.

It may be, to some extent, when we’re disconnected from ourselves, when heart and genitals are disconnected, when there’s no relationship with our bodies, our feelings, our sexuality.

When we’re simply seeking relief, release.

In those moments what we’re doing is really using someone else’s body to masturbate with.

And it brings an amazing question to the surface, What do I really want?

What does my body want, what does my heart want, what does my mind want?

What is my desire?

To keep asking, and to allow the answers to change, as we do, as we become more aware of what we want, what we need.

To know that what excites us now may be different tomorrow, not to hold onto anything that’s not true now.

The conscious erotic exploration is one of body, heart, mind and spirit.

As much as it’s exploring pleasure, it’s exploring feelings, it’s exploring our patterns and it’s exploring our thoughts and beliefs.

It’s exploring in the context of our lives.

It’s exploring the fullness of possibility.