It was my recent therapist who I like to death even if I hated her to death at times too. 

Thank you for guiding me. Thank you for putting up with me when you could have walked away. Thank you for staying when words got messy and I didn’t treat you fairly. Thank you for being upfront. Thank you for giving me the opportunity of new found awareness. Thank you for being a kind, compassionate, warm and caring therapist and human being.

Our ways part as I’m about to have a deep psychology trauma informed therapist. My hopes in her are pretty high and I know you only want the best for me. You were there when I needed you, never mind what I was struggling with in that moment. You made me feel welcomed and I cherish how warmly you looked at me with a smile my inner child and me actually felt in our hearts. You were right when I was wrong. You made me see that I am allowed to make mistakes without people leaving me instantly.
What’s important is to take full responsibility for my mistakes. 

I admit I’ve been difficult and messy at times, loved you one minute, dearly hated you the next and sometimes even never wanted to see you again.
It wasn’t easy for me and I believe it wasn’t easy to handle my pretty inconsistent moods at times for you too. When all you wanted to give me was a better relationship narrative. 

Nevertheless this therapy experience taught me a lot about my recurring relationship patterns, boundaries and needs.

You’ll forever have a special place in our hearts and be an important part of our story.

I hope if our ways cross at some point in the future that we might have a new beginning / connection from scratch.

Until then little me and I cry for you. She longed

for you often to hold her hand, to love her, to be there when she fell, to protect her, to feel cherished, to feel like she (and I) actually mean something to you. We’re sorry we expected and demanded way too much which you couldn’t give, making us throw tantrums.

So, please make sure you set clear boundaries and expectations with your new patients from day one because without, Borderline people like me stumble around wondering. We may test or push your boundaries to see how far we can go. Until it’s too late.
It is a therapist’s responsibility to stick to them so patients can experience a stable therapeutic alliance.

We both feel sad, hurt and devasted, now that we lose you (at least for now as the future is unwritten). My new therapist won’t replace you, but she might teach me how to mother my little me. She’ll help and support me to heal my traumas and childhood wounds I carry with me which eventually leads to building more secure relationships in the future.
 

It hurts. It really hurts to let you go.

I love you, I hate you. I’m gonna miss you a lot. The sadness of what could have been achieved throughout therapy is real.

Oh, obviously I wouldn’t wanna hit you by a bus 😉
I remember our phone call a few weeks ago, when you jokingly said “By the way I just almost got hit by a bus but that’s what you often wanted, right? At least when you were angry at me” 
It felt nice, it felt human to have a laugh with you about it. 

Honestly I’m really gonna miss you and I’m damn sure

I won’t forget you.

“Starting over is an acceptance of a past we can’t change, an unrelenting conviction that the future can be different, and the stubborn wisdom to use the past to make the future what the past was not.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough