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“How Deep is Your Love” is one of my favorite songs. I’ve had it on repeat lately. 

But what if I was asking that question about myself?

Like, really Laura, you’ve spent your whole life trying to get other people to love you, how about giving that sugar to your awesome self, for once?

I liked the question I was asking myself. I woke up that morning in that sleepy, dreamy, half-wakey time with an idea. Anyone else have early-morning downloads like no-get-out? Or are yours in the shower?

I set up my dark roast at a new mango wood dining table I Feng Shui’d with the help of my friend Dana and sat by the glow of my string of Christmas lights to ponder the 14-Day Self-Love-Letter Challenge for my friends. We did it on Facebook starting the day after Valentine’s Day, which happens to be my birthday, so what better start date, right? It was a celebration of me! 

The prompts were good, and I invited everyone to share their writing in the group. The shares were vulnerable and amazing. The instructions were: “You can share your writing for the day, or you can comment about how you felt writing and what happened in the process of thinking and writing.” 

I immediately realized I had a lot of friends attempting to practice self-love a little bit more powerfully but were struggling. I read comments like, “I needed this.” And, “This was uplifting and gave me courage.” 

We ended the two-week writing fest with a Zoom celebration that 27 people signed up for but only three attended. And I had a moment to think about why that happened, aside from the usual “something came up.” 

My friends know I play “real” and that I’m a straight-shooting warrior goddess of love. They know when they come to my meetings that I’m not going to tolerate any bullsh*t, I won’t waste time, and that I’m going to ask them to step up to the microphone and speak their brave words. I know this is challenging and super scary for some, but I also know it’s their path. So I keep pushing, nudging, and sometimes shoving people off the cliff about sharing their life-changing stories because I know it matters. 

Writing is a healing process. 

Writing is a self-awareness tool.

Writing and moving the words from your heart to your pen or your tongue is a therapeutic release. 

Writing can change someone else’s life. Seems like that is icing. 

The three women who showed up to the event were friends I’d like to keep playing in this sandbox with—compassionate, authentic, curious, and interested in what else is possible. Thank you, ladies; it was amazing to spend that hour with you. 

I gave them a prompt during our session: How deep is your self-love? (Or, how do you love yourself?) 

I said, “This is different than self-care. Self-care is a hot topic. I know how to take care of myself. But I’m not sure I truly know how to love myself.” 

Here are my results, a poem that moved through me during the writing: 

How Deep is Your Love? By Laura Di Franco 

I think my love goes deep.

And when it seeps back to me

in rings of grit

staining my skin and soul

I sit in wonder.

But, really, is it any wonder? 

I think that love is for others, first.

And sure,

loving them is very good,

but not quite as great

as the state of deep love

I shower on myself.

When I keep it running longer

making others wonder

when I’ll come out

and if I saved any for them

only then…

…only then is when I know

it’s deep enough.

Because the deep love I give to me

is the roots of the tree

that feeds everything

and everybody else.

I will only grow as high

as those roots are deep.

So, today I plant the seed

worship the sun

nourish myself with love

give my roots enough time 

to find their way to the core

a place I’m sure

they’ll never be unearthed.

Grounded, centered, and strong

in that place

that love

that knowing

that solid foundation

Is where it all begins.

Is today your beginning? 

How deep is your love?

Mmm, I impressed my own damn self with this one

I know Source wants us to find this place of self-love. I know because of the joy filling my heart when I’m brave enough to peek into those dark crevices with my flashlight. I know because of the results when I’m brave enough to continue the adventure to vulnerability, trying on new, uncomfortable feelings for the first time. I know because I become a channel for Divine, brave words, every single time I’m brave enough to feel that love and give it to me, first.  

Wanna practice with me?

Writing Prompts

Here are the 14-Day Self-Love-Letter Challenge themes and prompts for you, with a couple simple instructions. Enjoy. Be brave.

For each prompt below, you’ll read the theme, and then the writing prompt.

First, take a deep breath and drop your awareness and energy down into your pelvic bowl, relaxing and softening with each exhale. Spend a couple minutes in that present moment breath and body awareness. Spend as much time as you desire. 

When you’re ready, get ready to write yourself a self-love letter beginning with the words: Dear (your first name),  

For each one, write as fast as you can without censoring yourself and take your time to move all the love you have inside out onto that paper. Write a letter of any length or style. No rules, just write. When you’re done, read the letter out loud to yourself.

Dear (fill in your name), 

1. Theme: gratitude. Prompt: I’m so happy and grateful _____.
2. Theme: Wisdom for your younger self. Prompt: What I want you to know is _____. 
3. Theme: What you’re proud of. Prompt: I’m so proud of you for _____.
4. Theme: Your body. Prompt: What I love the most about your body is _____.
5. Theme: Handling any situation. Prompt: I love the way you handled _____.
6. Theme: Wisdom. Prompt: I love the experience/awareness/wisdom you have _____.
7. Theme: Badassery. Prompt: You’re a badass because _____.
8. Theme: Passion. Prompt: I love when you get passionate about _____.
9. Theme: Perseverance. Prompt: Thank you for not giving up on me _____.
10. Theme: Feeling sexy. Prompt: The sexy thing about you is _____.
11. Theme: What matters. Prompt: I love that _____ matters to you. 
12. Theme: Your unique style. Prompt: I love the way you _____. 
13. Theme: Excitement. Prompt: I get so excited when I see you _____.
14. Theme: The self-love-poem: Prompt: For your last self-love-letter, I’d like you to take all the prior letters (as many as you’ve written, or go finish them first) and take the most powerful line or two out of each and create a self-love-poem. Combine words, phrases, or ideas in any way you like—no rules! 

It may take the rest of this lifetime to really master self-love. The lesson may have to repeat. So be it. I managed to find a connection this time that feels like the treasure. I mean, we all have that map. It’s joy. It’s just that we’ve been counting on outside circumstances and people to help us feel it. The secret is that with awareness, we have a choice. We can give ourselves the treasure right now by feeling gratitude and joy. By loving ourselves, deeply. It all starts right here and right now. 

Finish today by stepping into the bathroom and looking in the mirror. Say, “I love you,” and attempt to not look away from your own eyes for a few seconds. What do you feel? How difficult was that? It’s okay if it felt impossible. 

I couldn’t do it the first time without immediately looking away. It takes practice. 

You just took the first step. 

You planted the seed. 

Give it time to grow. 

~

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