Let’s paint the scene: you and your significant other decide to go out to eat. You do your hair, your make up, or hell maybe you don’t. You’re dressed in your favorite outfit and on the drive to the restaurant you have enjoyed a great conversation. However, even with all the good fun in the car you cannot ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach you get because you know, you are sliding into a restaurant with a Grade A staff flirter.

People who flirt with staff have this feeling they are offering the worker a gift. A charitable gift of their attention. They are overly smiley. They are overly apologetic for the other person specializing their order. They are almost embarrassed by their table mates because hell, they are making it hard for the staff.

An ex of mine was a Grade A Flirter in all occasions. Let’s face it, that spark of energy, that smile the wink. It was killer. Drew me in right away. However, take that energy out to your local Applebee’s and let me hand you your first red flag in what I’m sure is many more to come.

There a few things happening when this situation arises. One, you are being ignored, mistreated and yes, abused. The abuse is mental and emotional. You aren’t good enough to have this person who is dating you or loves you, stop and take into consideration how it feels to knowingly, shamelessly, obviously watch you  flirt.

And that is just your side of it. Now, be the staff person.

Let’s paint that picture. You woke up tired from closing. You make coffee, you check your messages, shower put on your work clothes, your shoes, do your hair and make up to feel a little more like yourself and head out to see what day in the life of being wait staff will hand you. And if you have ever worked any customer service position you know, that throughout the shift, you yourself will be served with any number of situations that range from good to bad to just plain ugly.

A couple is seated in your section. The woman smiles thanks you and looks at the menu. The man slides closer to you on the edge of his seat, takes the menu from you with a smile and wink. Here it comes, you think. He doesn’t need to see the menu. He’s prepared. He gestures to his table mate. “We might need a few because of her. I’m sorry. I can tell you’re swamped.” He winks again. Your stomach churns. He’s basically undressing you with his eyes. He looks like any average man. But the truth is, not only is he grating on your nerves,  making you uncomfortable and not to mention, his partner has noticed and she too is uncomfortable, you are in that situation where you feel your tip is at stake. You leave knowing that when you come back he’s going to keep this up. Every time you come to the table you’ll be met with that look. And after being on your feet for hours, tired, feeling greasy and hot, the last thing you want is that look.

People who flirt! Listen up, as someone who has been on both sides of this situation: THEY DON’T WANT YOU!! We think you are despicable, foul, abusive, and thoughtless. We see your true colors and if you make us feel like we need to flirt back for a better tip: YOU ARE THE PROBLEM WITH SOCIETY!

So if this scenario is familiar let me serve you your red flag. Enjoy.