By Vanessa Cass

Every day that I wake up and have to get dressed, I say the same words to myself, “ if only I were thinner, I could wear this or that”. Some days I’m totally fine with my size 12-14 frame, and other days, not so much. 

For me, the kitchen has always been a spot for sudden epiphanies  and,  a place of contemplation. Today was no different. While chopping up some red cabbage, kale, carrots, nuts and dried cranberries ,  in the hopes of creating something low cal to actually lose some weight,  my mind wandered. I found myself thinking of a woman that was seated across from me at the nail salon the day before.  

We shared the standard niceties and looking at her ,  I realized she was the physical polar opposite of me. I , being on the shorter side and roundish, she was tall, straight as a rail , no curves whatsoever, no fat, just pure muscle.

 It really struck me how two people can be so physically different. Then as looked around the room, I  realized, everyone has their own shape, their own unique appearance. A body , that makes them who they are. Some have big noses, others have a huge chest, or a flat butt, a big butt, wide hips,  huge, gangled  feet, or tiny, doll feet. 

While some are  absolutely perfect in my eyes, others are  like a wonderful human caricature. 

So now I start thinking about the spiritual concept of us being able to choose exactly how we will look before coming into each life and all the possibilities, if true, that such a  privilege, could afford us. 

So what if, in another life, I had chosen to be skinny,  like a rail, and to change things up,  before coming into this life, I thought it would be fun to be curvy and   voluptuous . Not to have to wish I had curves to fill in these jeans and to be able to wear low cut shirts and be proud of my cleavage. 

What if…just what if,  each life is merely a chapter, paragraph or sentence in the book of lives and knowing this, we take great fun in choosing how we’ll look. 

We’re going to a masquerade ball!!! Carefully choosing our looks,  like masks and costumes “ hey, it will be fun to be really, really tall ” or “ let’s do puffy hair!!” Pointy ears and an aquiline nose could be funny! Or hair so red it looks like fire. 

Would be a nice change from the brunette that I am in this life…. The possibilities are endless, all beautiful, all wonderful, zany and interesting and perfect in every way. 

As I’m mixing my tahini, lemon and honey dressing, I start thinking it seems the minute we come into this life, the human envelope we embody carries insecurity and prejudice and we forget how excited we were to come as we have come. We forget the joy , pride and care we took in choosing how we would look and most of the time we spend our lives sad about the way we are because usually others aren’t very kind, and we try to change. If only we could remember that in a chapter, paragraph or sentence , it’s all over.

While there is absolutely nothing wrong with making the tweaks you want to make, to feel better, perhaps that’s part of the journey too, no rights or wrongs, and of course all of this is just my musings, but they work for me. However on that note, I decided  to add some leftover fried chicken to my salad, and enjoy my curvy costume today and everyday, with no apologies. 

It’s all a masquerade ball, so straighten your crown and wear your costume proudly while you can.