A while ago I wrote a piece about a practice I teach called Quiet Lingam, I also sometimes call it the Water Massage, it came up as a memory, I’m sharing it here, with some things added.

It’s about men receiving, touch, sensation, pleasure.

The Quiet is that it’s gentle and slow, it flows like Water.

And one of the important elements of this is that it’s not about performance, it’s not about an outcome, a goal.

It’s about the experience in the moment.

Because the male sexual experience for many men is about orgasm, and erection, this becomes very different.

The way we see an erection is interesting.

Erection and arousal are not always the same thing.

Having an erection does not necessarily mean I want sex. And desiring sex doesn’t mean I have an erection.

During an experience erections can also come and go, and there’s no meaning in that.

Learning about soft sex is a beautiful, healing, accepting, releasing journey that allows us an expanded perception and experience of male pleasure.

The Healing element of this experience is important.

I work with many men who struggle with early ejaculation and erection issues, and this is one of the practices that’s an effective part of this process.

As is the element of receiving.

One of the essential aspects of the framework of this journey is that we live in patterns. And over time I’ve come to see the connection between these issues and receiving. To put it clearly, there’s a connection between men who have these sexual blockages and being able to receive, not only sexually but in all of life.

Receiving allows our partners to give.

And we don’t always realise the importance of this.

For our lover to have the time and space to touch, to explore our bodies is such a deep, and necessary, part of pleasure.

Quiet Lingam, A Man Receiving

Working with the body to change the pattern.

For so many men the masculine expression of sexuality is hard.

It’s driving, release based.

It’s about size, performance.

It’s driven by a model that has trapped men in a very narrow experience of sexuality.

It’s silent.

And in its silence it’s become repressed, suppressed, disconnected.

It’s become angry and emotionless.

It’s a pattern of limitation, of contraction.

We can change the pattern through the body.

Through touch.

Gentle, slow, soft touch.

Through breath.

Through the heart, the heart of giving, the heart of receiving, the heart opening.

We can expand the pattern through energy.

We can expand the pattern with a different experience.

A new experience will create new feelings.

New feelings will give rise to new thoughts.

New thoughts will open the vision, eyes that see more.

A new perspective will create expansion.

Expansion holds elements unexplored, an inner landscape of possibilities.

The world within creates experiences in coherence with its energy.

There’s more.

The sexual shift brings a heart shift.

A heart shift brings a life shift.

Working with the body to change the pattern.

This is the beginning of Quiet Lingam.

It’s slow, so slow.

It’s gentle, so gentle.

It’s a meditation of receiving.

In the slowness, in the softness is the opening, the release of tension in the body, in the mind, in the heart.

It begins with a space you create.

Warm, comfortable, quiet.

There may be candles, music, whichever elements you wish.

There is a greeting, a heart connection.

There is eye-gazing.

There is breathing.

He lies on his back, you’ll sit between his, legs, beside him, wherever is comfortable.

His hands are at his sides, not touching you, the focus is on receiving, fully, deeply.

You’ll lay a hand on his heart centre in the middle of his chest, your other hand resting warmly on his sexual centre.

You’ll breathe, together.

With each breath your hands sink into his body.

Take the time it needs for him to begin to soften.

Take the time it needs for you to become present.

Your hand on his chest slowly moves down his body.

You spread oil onto his body, his thighs, his belly, his Lingam.

Every movement is slow.

In the slowness he feels.

In the slowness he can breathe.

In the slowness he can drift from his mind, from his expectations, from his patterns into his body, into his feelings, into his sensations, into his being.

Your touch, your caress, your stroke, your every movement is slow, is gentle.

You’ll pause here and there as your hands feel the need.

Your touch is on his belly, his legs, the crease of his thighs.

In the slowness, in time, in his softening, his arousal becomes fuller, deeper.

Spend as long as you can in this space.

The patterning of his sexuality may want to brings its heat to the surface.

This is a slow burn.

A fire of substance, of sustenance, of limitless depths to explore and experience.

You breathe into the intimacy.

The pleasure may be new, it may take time to understand it, allow it.

It changes the pattern.

And in time, you’ll go deeper…