I wake up.

My stomach cramps, my limbs feel heavy, my neck hardly holds my head.

Another day where I get up, grab my coffee, get dressed, head to work, smile and get things done. Thinking about the end of the workday, what I will do, even though I know that I will be too exhausted to do anything and just eat comfort food and numb myself in front of the TV. I don’t have energy to meet up with friends, I don’t have interesting stories to tell them and moreover, my brain is too tired to concentrate on a high quality conversation.

I am exhausted.

I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. From waking up every day and do a job that has nothing to do with who I am at core, that sucks all of my energy and that makes me feel like I am at the wrong place.

How did I get there? And wasn’t I there before and told myself I wouldn’t do this to myself anymore? What happened?

Convenience happened. I needed money, I needed a job, just like everyone else who hasn’t won the lottery yet. And the most logical and easiest option was to go back to what I have learned right? Or wasn’t it?

There is a famous quote by Albert Einstein that says:  “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Isn’t that exactly what I’m doing?

I am thinking of a job that gives me joy. That makes me want to fall asleep fast at night so that I can immerse myself in my craft the next morning. But does something like that even exist? Or am I trapped in an illusion that our generation has been succumbed to?

I do not know.

I am realistic enough to know that the “perfect” job doesn’t exist. Just like anything in life. Perfect is an illusion.

But what I certainly know is that if a job drains your energy every single day, leaves you more and more exhausted and takes your happiness, that’s a huge red flag. Nothing is more important than your mental and physical well-being. Staying in a job that makes you insane, is insane.