It’s human nature to want people to like and respect us. But if you care too much, it can damage your mental health. So, how can you stop giving a f*ck about what people think of you?

Do you ever lie awake at night thinking about the time you farted in 6th grade and the entire class heard? We do too. Chances are your classmates have zero recollection of the incident, your coworkers have forgotten the time you got too drunk at the Christmas party, and your friends didn’t think you looked like an elephant in the dress you wore on Friday

Yet, we’re spending immeasurable amounts of energy thinking about how others perceive us. It’s impossible to completely NOT care what people think, but here are a few tips on how to ease the burden on your mental health.

1 | Pick Your People

Surround yourself with people whose values align with yours. Choose people with positive attitudes. Avoid negativity at all costs. When it comes to social media, only follow people who post positive content.

Associate with people who like you for you and are not judgemental. Carefully decide who you will turn to for advice and support. Be mindful of those with ulterior motives.

2 | Identify Your Values

Your values are the “why” of what you do. You may enjoy exercising and cooking healthy meals because you value your body and health. You may catch up with an old friend because you value friendship. You may spend your free time blogging because you value writing.

List 3-5 of your top values. Focus on those instead of what you feel your social group would approve of.

When you begin focusing on your values, you will gain confidence and joy in the things you do. The need for others’ approval will dissipate.

3 | Distance Yourself From Judgy People

When considering someone’s perception of you, you must also consider the source. Some people’s perceptions of you can be completely wrong. So why care what they think? Build connections with people who support you and give you positive energy.

Don’t let someone else control your decision-making. Set a clear boundary to keep toxic people out of your life. Don’t give them the opportunity to judge you.

4 | Clean Up Your Newsfeed

As you’re scrolling through your feed, there’s always that one person who always makes you feel bad about yourself. That’s when it’s time to unfriend or mute them. You are under no obligation to follow people who make you feel worse.

Try to compile groups of people that post positivity, make you laugh, lighten your mood, or that give you a confidence boost. Unfollow the rest.

Or delete your social media completely. And that brings me to my next tip.

5 | Take A Social Media Break

Sometimes we all need a mental health break from social media. To get a real rest, deactivate your accounts for a little bit.

Can you go for a day? A week? A whole month? When you return it will be a whole lot easier to identify the Debbie Downers and get rid of them.

6 | Have Fun

Do the things that make you happy. Take up some hobbies or go back to school. Do the things you enjoy doing and bring you joy. Join a group of other people who enjoy the same hobbies. It’s a great way to meet new people who have aligned values and interests.

Just do you. You’ll be having so much fun doing the things you enjoy that you won’t have time to care about what others think of you.

7 | Accept That You Cannot Please Everyone

No matter how hard you try. No matter what you do. There is always going to be someone who will just refuse to see the good in you. You can do everything right and still be wrong in their eyes.

Consider why this person’s perception of you is so important. Why are you letting them control how you feel? Why are their ideas of you holding you back from success?

Sometimes it’s just not worth the energy to try to make an unhappy person happy. You just have to accept that you cannot please everyone.

8 | Just Let It Go

You need to let that sh*t go. – Buddha

OK, maybe Buddha didn’t put it exactly like that, but it grasps the general idea. Change the things you can and accept the things you can’t. You can’t control people, places, or things. Once you come to terms with and accept this, you will be able to focus on your values and the things you can change.

9 | Don’t Compare Yourself To Other People

Comparing yourself to others can be dangerous. Especially with social media, it’s important to understand how fake it all is. People portray themselves as who they want to be online, not who they actually are. Photos have filters and are edited to perfection. Their lives are completely made up.

When comparing yourself to these ‘false idols’, it can be hard to find success or joy in your own accomplishments. Celebrate yourself. You are the only person on your path. There is no comparison.

10 | Practice Self-Care and Acceptance

You are one of a kind. Love yourself!

Ask yourself who you want to be, void of anybody else’s version. Cultivate your emotions and ideas. Recognize that you are perfect just the way you are. Take care of yourself first.

If anyone breaches your vision of your future self, it should only be if they are there to support and enhance your growth.

11 | Recognize Curiosity and Gratitude

You can’t be grateful and hateful at the same time. Focus on the things you are grateful for. Keep a gratitude journal and write down 10 things you were grateful for throughout your day before you go to sleep.

Keep a list of things you are curious about or want to learn more about. Make small goals geared towards learning about these things. When achieving even small goals, you will feel more accomplished and useful.

12 | Keep a Self-Booster Book

One negative experience does not define you as a person. But this morning when you got called out at work all you can think about is, “What if they find out I’m not good enough?”

When something good happens or someone gives you a compliment, write it down in your Self-Booster Book. Save complimentary messages and notes. Keep track of all the good things that happen. After a while, you’ll have pages and pages of awesome things about you.

Refer to your Self-Booster Book after situations like this morning with your boss. It will help you to remind yourself how awesome you are, and getting called at work will only make you laugh.

13 | Forgive Yourself for Your Past

Everybody makes mistakes. We live and we learn. Your past mistakes do not define you as a person. Take your poor decision or mistake as a learning lesson and ensure you don’t repeat shameful actions.

Turn inward. If you can’t forgive yourself, people can’t forgive you either. Can you forgive yourself?

14 | Try Positive Affirmations

I am beautiful. I am enough. I am worth it.

It may feel silly at first, but try giving yourself positive affirmations. Write messages on your mirror that you can read as you prepare for your day. There are even mobile apps that will send you affirmations for you to repeat to yourself throughout the day.

Try Mantra. Here’s the link if you have an Android.

15 | Give Yourself a Reality Check

Let’s face it. Nobody thinks about you, your life, or the way you look more than you do.

People are self-absorbed and more worried about what other people think of THEM. You have to realize, most people aren’t paying any attention to anyone but themselves.

Focus on yourself, your values, and what you want to achieve. Try journaling. It helps to get your ideas on paper. Write about your experiences, fears, and dreams. Meditation and mindfulness practice can also help you look inward.

In The End

While it’s hard to not care about what other people think of us, we can ease the burden by carefully selecting those we surround ourselves with and practicing the other tips above.

Your survival does not depend on what your ex thinks of you or what your co-worker said about you last week. Neither should your happiness.

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