Every relationship has its ups and downs, but being in a relationship with some who suffers from bipolar disorder can feel more like the world’s biggest, scariest rollercoaster with no end in sight. Every day is a mystery. The stress of never knowing what the day can hold can be debilitating. The major shifts in moods can bring strain and confusion to a relationship, especially a romantic one.

Is it possible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone suffering from a serious mental  illness like bipolar disorder?

What is Bipolar Disorder?

The exact cause of bipolar is unknown. It is a serious, lifelong illness that requires a solid commitment to an effective treatment plan. If you are in a relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder, you need to learn about the disease. It’s important for you to understand the disease and why your partner may act out of character when having an episode.

There are three types of bipolar disorder. To get more detailed information check out Living With Bipolar, but here’s a general overview:

Bipolar I

Bipolar I is the most severe form of bipolar disorder. Symptoms can include:

• Hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia
• Hospitalization during serious episodes to maintain their safety
• Impulsive behaviors without regard or recognition of the serious consequences

Bipolar II

Bipolar II is not as severe as Bipolar I. Symptoms may include:

• Hypomania; going untreated can lead to full-blown mania
• Rapid speech and movements
• Decreased need for rest and sleep

Cyclothymic Disorder

Also known as cyclothymia, this is the least severe form of bipolar disorder; however, symptoms can still cause trouble in everyday life. Symptoms can include:

• Recurring depressive or hypomanic moods
• Episodes are not labeled as severe enough to be called mania or depression, however; going untreated can lead to developing both

“During hypomanic episodes, a partner with Bipolar II [and cyclothymia] may obsessively have sex with you or others,” says Jennifer Payne, MD, psychiatrist and director at the Women’s Mood Disorder Center at Johns Hopkins Medicine. “They may stay up all night and have lots of wonderful ideas they want to tell you at 3 AM.”

Can Treatment Help?

Absolutely. Treatment can minimize and reduce the severity of all symptoms.

Bipolar disorder is typically treated with a mix of medication and psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy. It is important for your partner to find an effective treatment plan and stick to it. It may take a couple of tries, different medication mixes, and types of therapy before an effective treatment plan is set in place. The treatment may change over time as your partner progresses.

Your partner may feel like they are their best self when manic. They have the energy and confidence to do anything, whether right or wrong, as they don’t have the capability to recognize consequences when in this elevated state of mind. There may be a time they actually miss this mania. They forget the consequences and may discontinue treatment or try to trigger a manic episode (lack of sleep can do this).

The key to treatment is COMMITMENT! It is absolutely necessary for your partner to work with their mental health team to find the treatment that works best. It is crucial for your partner to follow their treatment plan exactly. They must participate in therapy and stick to their medication regimen. Without this commitment to treatment, a successful relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder is impossible.

For more detailed information on treatment options, and links to find help, check out Living With Bipolar.

Relationship Challenges

All relationships have challenges, but being in a relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder can be especially challenging in various aspects of life.

Intimacy

When manic your partner may impulsively have sex with you or others. They may engage in risky behaviors such as extra-marital affairs without having the capability to recognize the consequences.

When depressed, your partner may withdraw from sex completely. They seemingly have no interest in sex whatsoever. This may feel like denial and rejection from your partner. Also, many of the medications used to treat bipolar disorder will lower your partner’s sex drive.

Employment

Finding and maintaining a job can be difficult for your partner when suffering from bipolar disorder. Severe mood swings can impact the quality of work. Poor judgment and impulsivity when manic can lead to problems in the workplace. When depressed, low energy and lack of interest can lead to consistently calling in or leaving work early, resulting in termination.

Stressors at work can also be triggers for mood episodes. This could lead to you feeling more pressure and financial strain being the only stable income in the household.

Parenting

While raising children is typically an enjoyable experience for most parents, being a bipolar parent can be a struggle at times. Being a parent is emotional and strong emotions can be triggers for mood episodes – good or bad. Mood swings, poor decision-making, and impulsivity can put up a wall between parents. It may be difficult to find matching parenting styles.

Erratic behavior and sudden mood changes can be especially confusing and scary to children. This is another reason why it’s extremely important for your partner to find an effective treatment plan and follow it exactly. Commitment to treatment is essential in providing a safe and secure environment for your children.

What Can You Do?

It takes commitment from both parties to nurture and maintain a healthy relationship. It’s important to understand both sides for each partner.

If Your Partner is Bipolar

• Get educated: Learn about your partner’s disease, what to expect, and how to be supportive through the good days and the bad.

• Ask questions: Ask your partner what to expect when they have a mood episode. Ask about their triggers and how to avoid them. It’s also beneficial to ask your partner what you can do to help during mood episodes if anything at all.

• Be patient: Effective treatment may be hard to find at first. It may take a couple of different medications before finding the one that works best for your partner. Understand that when your partner is acting out of character, that is their disease. Take a deep breath and remember it’s their condition – not them – that’s frustrating you.

• Be open: Communicate with your partner about your frustrations, but never blame them for their disorder.

• Be a part of their treatment: Communicate your concerns with their psychiatrist. You will notice mood shifts before your partner does. It’s important for their psychiatrist to have all the information.

• Get support when you need it: Self-care is important when you love somebody suffering from bipolar disorder. You need to remember to take time for your own physical and mental health. Attending therapy or support groups, exercising, and engaging in hobbies are important for balance.

If You Are Bipolar

• Tell your partner about your disorder: Don’t leave them in the dark. Your mood shifts and erratic behavior can be confusing. You will act out of character at times, especially before finding an effective treatment plan. Help them understand what to expect and how to help.

• Stick with your treatment plan: Following the treatment plans your medical team has provided is absolutely crucial to maintaining any type of relationship, especially a  romantic one. This can help minimize and reduce the severity of your symptoms. Talk with your partner about how they can help you stay on track.

• Communicate: Tell your partner how you’re feeling. Let them know if you feel an oncoming episode. Tell them what to do if you are triggered. Give them your psychiatrist’s information in case hospitalization is required.

• Be open and honest: Let your partner know if you are having a severe episode. For example, if you are in a depressive state and don’t feel like leaving the house, tell your partner. Don’t just makeup excuses to not get out of bed.

• Learn coping skills: Practice self-care. Learn your triggers and how to avoid them. Find the treatment that works best for you and stick to it. For more information, check out Living With Bipolar.

• Accept their help: Your partner will recognize sudden mood changes before you do. Accept that they are only trying to help make you better.

Wrap Up

It is absolutely possible to maintain a healthy relationship with someone suffering from bipolar disorder. And if you have bipolar disorder, there is hope in finding love. It all comes down to finding an effective treatment plan and following it exactly. Work closely with your partner, medical team, and therapist to ensure success.