Do you think fear and grief are the same? C.S. Lewis wrote “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.”

Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat. Isn’t that very similar to what grief feels like? The belief that something is going to cause pain.

When we think about things we fear, the 3 main things are: the fear of death, the fear of abandonment and the fear of failure. When we think of grief we fear death, abandonment and failure. These two emotions run parallel. (fear=grief) We wonder if we did enough, we feel alone, and it is hard to let go of the one you love. We fear death. We fear the unknown, so this quote validates that grief is fear.

When someone we love passes, we fear life without them. We worry if they are ok. Did we make the right decisions? Did we say and do everything we wanted to say and do? Are they upset with me? Will I forget the sound of their voice?

Grief = Fear

So, how do we not fear death and loosing someone? How will we handle the loss of someone we love? I don’t think there is an easy answer to this question. Grief can be that constant cycle of not going anywhere. It’s like trying to go down an escalator that is going up. Let’s try to slow the escalator down by being present in our existing life. Living today as if it may be your last day. Every day we life is one day closer to when we will depart this earth. Showing and feeling love. Forgiving often. Forgiveness will help take the burden of regret off the table. We have plenty of regrets why add to it by being upset about things that really don’t matter?

Several of my clients remark that they fear forgetting the sound of their loved one’s voice. They fear forgetting the memories. I say make as many memories as possible with those around you that it is next to impossible to forget your existence. We will all walk through grief and death in our lives. There is no way around it. But instead of fearing it, live your life to the fullest. Why mourn them while there are still here with us? Make memories that will last long after you pass because of who you were and how you lived. How do you want to be remembered? I hope my family and friends will remember that I loved with my entire being, that I was passionate about helping the healing process. I want them to remember me saying, “if it’s a floor it’s a dance floor’. I want them to laugh at the things we did and how we spoke. I hope these memories will outlast the feeling of loss. But if I were to live in the fear of death, it may take away for these memories.

Last night, reading this quote gave me an entirely different perspective of death. Fear and grief are similar. Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief of something causing pain. Sounds like grief to me. Let’s try to not fear grief and know that there is evidence that they are still around you.

It is unknown when, where or how we will pass. But if we live in fear of the unknown, we’ve taken time away from our present life and the life ahead of us. Joyce Meyer says, “Eat the cake, buy the shoes.” Expand your faith. Know that they will be waiting for us on the other side. When the time is right, you will be reunited with them. There is evidence of life after death. I see it every time I do a reading. You see it in signs and thoughts. Even though they are no longer on this earth plane their essence is still with you. They are continuing their new chapter in spirit, with you on the earth. I believe that a relationship consists of 3 loves. The love of self, each other and God (Creator). Bringing Creator into your relationship will strengthen your bond of your loved one so that when one passes, your relationship continues, just in a different way. Your personal 3 great loves in life which helps you grow into who we are. Love of mind, love of heart and love of soul. Common denominator, love. Love continues for eternity. Change your thoughts and the outcome will change. I’d rather know that love lasts forever instead of fearing the unknown.

Blessings

Stacey