Do you ever wonder how people view you? Have you tried asking them?  I get it, it can be an awkward question that may feel pretentious to ask. But, you might find the answers to be far different than what you assume.

It’s no secret that we are often our own toughest critics. We see our deficits, faults, imperfections and struggles before we see our strengths, virtue, beauty and triumph.

The tendency to do this, is referred to as negativity bias which according to www.positive psychology.com,  refers to our proclivity to “attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information. ” In other words, we are hardwired to remember and assimilate negative input at a far greater rate than that of positive. Therefore, we are much more apt to see ourselves in a negative light,

This tendency can be shifted with practice, persistence and intentionally engaging a thought process based on possibility and opportunity, creating positive expectations and healthy memories.

My self-perception is a prime example.  When I think of myself, the first characteristics that often come to mind include: unmotivated, impatient, somewhat  unhealthy, a bit overweight, somewhat unsuccessful  and not usually the best mom I can be. (That’s not a pity list, but a basic reality.)

However, when I recently asked people that have known me throughout all times in my life, what words or thoughts come to mind when they hear my name, (and I specifically requested honesty for purposes of this article,) the responses I received painted a much different picture. A few of the adjectives and thoughts included: Intelligent, kind, talented, compassionate, able to persevere, confident, genuine, loving, beautiful and a great mama.(That’s  not a pretentious list, but, apparently, some opinions of others’.)

While it is nice to hear that I seem to create positive and maybe even inspiring energy in my existing and doing, hearing  such comments  and accepting them as compliments, let alone allowing myself to claim them as true attributes and think of myself in the same light, is at times an nearly insurmountable ability/task.

I am 100 percent certain that countless people can relate, and empathize.  I would nearly guarantee that there are nearly as many people who would be willing to sympathize as well..

Now, if I see myself as anything, it is that I am a person of accountability.  I am responsible for my self worth. I create and perpetuate my self image, based on my emotional intelligence and willingness to work at creating and maintaining a healthy mental state. (I suppose that may seem like a bit of a paradox given how my above statements of  my self perception, que the struggle of simply recognizing vs actually implementing.)

So… My bottom line is, (and I hope you say the same for yourself,) I owe it to myself to see me, the me that others are so certain they see. Because you know what? They are right, and I am grateful.