Someone who knows far more about astrology than me could tell you that we as a collective are going through a shift – have you felt it? How you operate, what you believe, how you see yourself, what you want in life, it’s all changing… or is it just me? Or maybe it’s because I’m turning 30 this year and that’s when you’re supposed to metaphorically get your shit together? I don’t know. But I’ve been going through it.

For me, February was confusing as hell, and I cried a lot. March was almost impossible, and due to happenings out of my control, I was physically and emotionally a shell of a human. In April, I started to feel better just as spring showed up in Asheville and I was certain my full pep would return to my step in no time, but the aftermath of March has taken longer than expected to recuperate from.

Originally, I thought you could only find rock bottom with the help of Jack Daniels and Adderall, and once you fought your way up, you would never return. Now I know, there isn’t one big rock bottom in life, there are 1,000 different ones and the way up looks different every time. I also know that on the way up, you’re forced to shed your old skin and transform into a totally new version of yourself. That’s what I’ve been doing all week; shedding old parts of me.

Last week, I saw a womb healer for my second internal womb massage. This time, just like the first, released tension deep in my pelvis that was otherwise inaccessible, and just like last time, it caused my womb to physically detox. I was still experiencing this detox on Thursday when I offered a masterclass teaching women how to lead themselves to a life they love. The class was absolutely amazing, but something unexpected happened; the meditation I guided activated something within me and shined a light on the areas where I wasn’t leading myself. After a long week of both physically and emotionally exhausting tasks, I knew Friday was going to be a slow day. I planned to sleep in and start my day with an hour of meditation. Each meditation took me deeper into my subconscious and I released energy through breathwork and heavy tears, then I journaled. I think it’s important to write, not just for the mind-body connection of releasing thoughts through moving your hand, but also to reflect on your progress through the process.

Recently, I switched from the hard structure of a morning/evening routine to a more fluid daily routine. Every day I aim to meditate, journal, move my body, intentionally breathe, drink lots of water and learn from a mentor/resource. This process allows me to intuitively feel out what I need every morning, catch up throughout the day and flow into my evening routine with everything I didn’t get to earlier – it’s the exact balance of structure/freedom I need to thrive.

Anyway, Friday evening I decided to go to a warm Yin class which allowed me to get deeper into my hip tension. I think this class, combined with the womb healer, allowed me to release EVERYTHING my body was still clinging to and I spent most of Saturday in bed. Here’s the thing about transforming your energy – it’s fucking hard work. I really thought that I would be able to go through this process while still running a business, training for an ultra marathon, and biking everywhere because my car is in the shop, and and and, the list goes on. The truth I keep remembering (after it smacks me across the face and tells me to slow down) is great transformation comes after great rest. You need the yin to fuel the yang energy, you simply cannot have one without the other – that’s how you burn out. Silly me for forgetting that.

The other thing I did on Friday was acknowledge the elephant I’ve been trying to avoid for the last few years and took one small step towards healing an old wound. I sent a simple voice memo to my mentor, “Hey, this thing is coming up and I’d like some tools to deal with it.” Even though it took less than a minute to send, I felt this massive weight lift off my chest. We’ve been sending voice memos back and forth for the last few days digging deeper into the wound and how to best move forward. I am so beyond grateful to have this type of support as I navigate this transition.

On Sunday, I attended a wellness event where I led multiple powerful meditations. I was reaffirmed that I was in the right place, doing work that aligned with my purpose, because I didn’t plan anything for that event. That’s right – the two most powerful and transformational meditations I led, I made up on the spot. I do this with yoga classes too and it is my favorite thing in the world. Instead of creating a plan, I flow with my intuition and assess the vibe. When I pause in my meditations, it’s to allow you to breathe and to let what I just said land in your body, but it’s also so I can think of what to say next. It is my hope in life that every single person finds work that lights them up the way healing (through touch, sound or written word) makes me feel in the flow and exactly where I need to be.

Monday, I hit some bumps on the road and I woke up this morning to even larger hurdles. Instead of rage throwing my phone off the deck, or wallowing in a ball on the couch, I walked out the door and set the intention to walk until I shifted my energy. I put on my headphones, started an hour long meditation, and took the first step in a new direction.

I walked out the door defeated by life, tired of overcoming obstacles, and ready to throw in the towel. I walked to clear my mind, move my body, feel the sunshine on my face, and breathe fresh air in my lungs – all the things we love about a hot girl walk. Once I felt a little calmer, I sat down on a bench, closed my eyes, and listened to the soothing sounds in my earbuds. I listed all the things I am grateful for in my life. I listed positive affirmations. I listed evidence that proved I was a strong, resilient, capable woman. I started to imagine holding joy in my chest (I’ll admit, this was a difficult task considering my stress level and it took patience, but I finally got there), then I allowed that joy to spread through my entire body. I allowed myself to feel confident, then powerful, then resilient. Once I felt ready, I marched myself home and reminded myself with every step that I am larger than my problems – whatever they are, they aren’t as powerful as me.

When you come up against a barrier and you focus on how hard or unfair it is, you dwell on what seems impossible.

“Remember your future self” was something that kept coming up for me today. You can remember your past self and how you felt, but can you remember your future self? Can you close your eyes and feel in your whole body what it is like to overcome your current hurdle? Can you feel your future self, all of your knowledge, experience and confidence? And can you take action remembering what it feels like to already be the highest version of yourself? That is probably the most woowoo thing I have ever typed out, but it’s also the most powerful mindset shift there is.