Escaping Toxic Love. Toxic love sounds like a great band name from the 80’s. Don’t get excited. It’s far from that entertaining.

“I love you. I don’t know why I do, but you have a hold on me like no one else.”

“I bet you’re turned on right now.”

“I don’t want that bullshit from you. I don’t want any drama.”

“Don’t make me out to be the bad guy. You’re the one who started this.”

“Say it. Say the words. Tell me. Say you love me now or this is over.”

Would you believe that every one of those lines was used on me within a 16 minute phone call? Would you believe those were all lines used to get me to break. Get me to apologize for asking a question that made a man uncomfortable? Would you believe a grown adult man said all of that to me and then told me to think of him while he was gone and to make sure I was smiling when he called at lunch?

If you believe it, you’ve probably been in a relationship with a toxic person. If you don’t believe it, maybe you are lucky enough to have avoided the feared narcissistic individual. In that case, good on you.

If you are familiar with this type of interaction, you know just how horrible it feels. It’s a mix of the love bombing you enjoyed so much, that felt so good but sprinkled with a good dose of their real narcissistic personality. The combination is confusing and terrifying. One second they are loving on you and soothing and the next they are holding a tantrum, threatening and making you feel like the lowest form of life. So how do you escape this cycle? Because it is a cycle? To love you feels so good so of course you will do anything to feel that again.

I remember hearing that our brains and bodies forget the pain of childbirth. We go numb to the intensity of it and continue to grow the human species. In a sense I believe we do the same when we’re in a toxic relationship. We remember the good and the comfortable and satisfying soothing elements, but are quick to forget the sting of their rejection and reprimand.