I was a late blooming duckling. Shy beyond belief, completely uncomfortable socially, especially around any man. Bright red was my shade of choice if approached and talked to by someone I didn’t know, especially if they were male. This was a state of being that proceeded well into my teen years, easing off in my late teens when I started in the workforce and was pushed out of my comfort zone. It didn’t help that I was tall and lanky, towering over most people in an era when there weren’t many tall girls around. Shy, tall, uncomfortable in my own skin – that was me!! Nor did it help that I didn’t have a voice to speak of. Standing up for myself and talking in public was excruciating so I avoided confrontation at all costs, lots of social interaction too and kept my social circle small. I considered death a better option that talking to someone new so I stayed well within my realm of comfortable and safe.

Boys/men may have been interested but I had little awareness and if approached generally shrugged them off or ran away. Dating was desired and I was definitely interested in men and sex and all the things but my lack of confidence and social skills completely hindered this for me. I had absolutely no idea about flirting. When my partner (now my ex) and I got together I had only one previous sexual experience, which was seriously lacking, and a few pashing sessions under my belt. Looking back in retrospect as well as talking to others about their experiences, we had a good sex life, that was slightly more than vanilla. I still had no voice to speak of though and my needs were not expressed. I definitely enjoyed sex but had no real idea of the world of pleasure it could bring me.

I left my ex in my late forties when the relationship completely disintegrated. This was the start of my healing journey. The journey to find me, my voice, my power, and as an added bonus my sexuality. I was alone for two years working on me, investigating the layers of conditioning and fear which had held me back. Part of this healing process was stepping further into my sexuality, sensuality and confidence, as well as finding my voice. Finding the lost parts of myself and bringing them back to life. This included self exploration of my juicy yoni, my body and what I liked sexually and sensually.

The best byproduct though was my discovery of my g-spot. A part of my anatomy completely unknown to me. It was a part of my yoni that had been numb my whole life. No surprise there – your g-spot is linked emotionally to your voice. No voice, no g-spot!! What a glorious moment when I discovered the pleasure of this area in my self explorations and continued to explore and deepen the pleasure around this region. I don’t remember the exact day I found this area and it responded with ecstasy. I think it was more of a gradual process as I stripped off the layers holding back my voice. As my confidence, self worth and self esteem grew, I discovered yet another area of pleasure. More discoveries, more joy!! The ability to let go completely and squirt. Your skenes gland is emotionally linked to your self worth and self esteem so as I unlocked this within myself, I unlocked this area within my yoni. The first day I squirted I actually cried tears of joy as I realised the inner growth that had come alongside the ability I now possessed. Pleasure is now my sexual mandate.

Eventually, I stepped back into the dating scene again but with a new found confidence and knowledge of what I liked and what worked for me and my body, plus a voice. I decided it was time to have sexual experiences based on my wants and needs. I lived the sexual life I’d missed in my earlier years but with my newly acquired knowledge. My first one night stand happened when I was fifty. Better late than never I say!! Of course, I found a few toads as well as a few princes on this journey but they have all been a necessary part of the learning experience. And by fully embodying myself and giving myself over to pleasure during sex, I have been able to access my g-spot and squirting with partners, not just solo.

I don’t regret the way my sex life has happened. The experience of healing myself and opening my sex life to discover its full potential and the joy of discovering my g-spot, plus a few other things, in my later years has been profound. The wisdom of age has put me in a space where I know what I want, I’m not afraid to express it, I don’t care what others think of my body or how I look during sex, I fully embody and enjoy each encounter I have and I know who’s energy I am willing to share myself with. I think finding this all in my fifties has deepened the pleasure for me. You’re never too old to learn, especially if it means you open up parts of yourself that bring so much pleasure. Woohoo to finding my g-spot at fifty!!