Staring at the stars I search for meaning and what grounds me here. Reflecting on life, grief and transformation has me yearning and the thirst is unquenchable. Prayers become reflections and my heart is on fire with love. This love is for my beloved. The one who calls me by name. I am the daughter of morning light. I don’t always hear this calling and sometimes I  forget where I came from and my footing can be unsteady. When this happens I need to center myself and breathe. The truth is we are all on a journey and the road is sometimes uncertain. The road has many twist and turns and we can easily off ramp and get lost along the way.

I have tried to write this a few times now. Over the course of four years I have wept while writing and poured out several pages and some have made it and  others have withered and dried. With parched lips I have cried and still I write. I have been searching for home and my writing has reflected this. I have poured myself into work . The transformation is a slow steady surrender. Letting go  and moving on with a little faith coming back to hearing my name being called and following the higher path towards home.

Grief has taught me so many lessons and still I am learning. We will grieve so many things during our lives and this includes, people places and things and even jobs. We will grieve and move on transforming and growing in the midst of adversity, pain and loss. We humans are courageous and courage lifts and carries us through. I was reminded of this specifically this  week when I arrived early at the private clinic that I work at to find a new shirt awaited with the clinic name and the word courage. A word I had solely chosen months before. I held the shirt in my hand and whisper the word bravely. Courage is what I hope and pray for. Growth isn’t easy. We do need to ask ourselves why we stay with people, places and jobs where we are not valued. We might become stuck in the familiarity and we hold on tight. I offer gratitude for my private practice. I offer gratitude for the creative work. Still I wonder where is this path taking me?

Transformation is something we rarely understand and we may struggle in the process. I know the letting go and taking steps moving forward and then sometimes back is frustrating. Personally I look for signs that I am on the right path. When fear and frustration creeps in I make a request of my beloved and it sounds like this ” Speak to my heart for I am weary and feeling lost, Speak to my mind for it is frazzled and foggy, speak to my body for I am tired and speak to my soul for I am yearning for your love. As the words fade with the night the stars twinkle brighter and I say ” I am still here and I am on my way.

Love is everything.