Every ending is a new beginning. That is true, and I can see the beauty in a new future and all the endless possibilities that could be. Still, I am grieving this ending.

I am leaving a job I had for seven years, and it feels painful. I did not realize how much I had tied my identity to my job until now when I’m moving on. I was proud of the job title, and people would always ask me a million and one question and tell me that’s what they wanted to be when they were young! I was proud that I had achieved the unachievable, all while having a child and being pregnant with another.

Now, I am a SAHM, and it feels weird. Don’t boo me for it. I’m sure I’m not the first to fight it. I always felt like that meant I had given up on my dreams. That’s great for other moms. Good for them. I could never do it. And now, I find myself facing a reality I never saw for myself.

I know it’s not forever because I don’t want it to be. I plan on going back to school when both my kids are in school to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling and become a therapist. I have taken a huge interest in psychology in the last five years, and it feels like a good path for me. However, if I’m honest with myself, I have always wanted to be a writer. That job title feels right to me.

I know that title may not come with the biggest paycheck or as much envy from others as my last career, and definitely not the same benefits, but if I look back on my life, it’s what I have always been doing. I naturally feel comfortable writing. I filled notebooks and journals as a kid and even wrote a novel on my computer between two spies who met on a chat and fell in love. So when I see myself at my happiest, I know it’s in days that I am allowed ample amounts of time to pour myself onto a page for others to read, or not.

I see writing as a form as channeling, as there are often times when I feel so in the flow that my body disappears, even my “self” disappears. I am simply in the flow of bringing words from somewhere beyond into this realm for others to read and contemplate. Even though, for now, I will have no career to call my own, I know I need to find time to feel into my true identity.

What a perfect time to make intentions than the New Moon in Gemini, right at six months, where we are meant to leave the past behind and make goals for a new future to make an intention in the new chapter to make writer’s hours every day so I can feel more like myself and maybe even begin to feel comfortable with the new title of “writer.”