Recently, I shared with my life coach that I would never ask of anything in a relationship that I am not prepared to give. When I took a candid, and honest look at my last two relationships, I realized, most of the time, I was not completely transparent. I wondered how it was that either of these men never shared who they were in an honest, authentic manner, revealing the deepest parts of their soul. I truly believe this is the only way to build true, and long-lasting intimacy. As someone who identifies with being an HSP (highly sensitive person), and an empath for most of my life, it is very easy for me to absorb the emotions of those around me. In the book “Self Care for Empaths” by Tanya Carol Richardson, she writes “Just because you can feel other people’s emotions does not mean you are responsible for their emotions.” I identified strongly with this quote. For most of my life I have been part of the emotional co-dependent dance with my partner. It is a dance I no longer want to be a part of.  Because it is in those very moments that I realize by absorbing all of their energy, I cannot be in touch with my own.

In my last two relationships, I avoided my own fears, and insecurities. Essentially, I had cut myself off from my own emotions, unable to voice when something upset me, or scared me. I had wounds, and trauma from my younger self that I hadn’t yet dealt with. I did not know that being vulnerable still meant that I was safe. I did not know that sharing my fears, doubts and worries allowed me an opportunity to reveal who I was without being judged. I did not know that I can simply be – well – me.

There is something about having gone through the healing of those wounds that now feels enlightening. I feel free. This new experience has not only given me a chance to show up in my truth, but to choose a healthy partner who can understand what the process of self-growth really means. I no longer want to hide those broken, and flawed parts of what make me human. It is those same parts that also make me dynamic, creative, and beautiful. I get to tell my partner I miss them, or want to hear their voice. I get to tell my partner that sharing a bed together feels scary, and exciting both at the same time. I can tell them I have trust issues, and trauma from my past that I am actively working through, and that does not make me weak, rather, it makes me brave. I get to show up differently this time, as a better version of myself, an honest version of myself.

Because I want the person who I share my heart, and my life with to also be the best version of themselves too. I don’t need perfection, I crave honesty. And with honesty, we build something sustainable, raw, and long-lasting. We build a soul connection. Because showing up as our most authentic selves is the only way to be seen, and heard for exactly who we are, which is the only way we all deserve to be loved.