Humans are fickle creatures, and since the dawn of time, the primordial mind began to regulate; it saw friends, community, and neighbors gathering, obtaining, and getting things that others didn’t have. Because as others gained these, certain things came along with this, fame, approval, popularity, and higher levels of survivability.

So, the mind latched onto needing more, to be more, creating a kind of self-sacrificing inner advertising agency. A constant longing to achieve, gain, and become that is so heavily displayed in our society as necessary is in every ad, movie, and song. They evoke feelings of this never-ending cycle of not being enough, which has become deeply embedded in our culture.

To be something you must have. To matter, you must do. Excel, achieve, and keep striving for more!

That life has to have a big house, new cars, children, or whatever else takes the precipice of importance when, at the core of all, is wanting to experience a feeling of completeness, wholeness, and acceptance. And while some of these things can bring moments of peace or joy, every bit of it is fleeting. There is no permanence in any of it, and even if you purchase a new car, it will eventually lose its sheen, break down, and it won’t be the same as when you first purchased it. The same goes for relationships; sometimes they fail, sometimes they last, but they never stay the same.

When we’re constantly striving but never stop and ask ourselves why, it keeps us on this hamster wheel. I spent most of my life as an addict. I chased, pursued, and burrowed into the depths of codependency, love addiction, and drug use to drown out the not-enoughness. But I’ve come to understand through my recovery process and Buddhism that there is an art to letting go. Letting go of the expectations, letting go of that need to be more, letting go of the must-dos, and understanding what defines us as people.

Going underneath the ads and outside sources that bring temporary happiness and taking on the adventure of learning and discovering. What would inspire and bring a sense of contentment outside of all the preconditioned expectations?

What would help comfort the void of simply being human in a world that isn’t comfortable with loneliness and needs to constantly fill with outside sources?

From the moment you wake up and turn on your device or drive around town, there is a constant bombarded with ads, marketing tactics, and emotional manipulation, and the scariest thing of all of it is that it’s normalized now. Promises of youth through beauty products or diet trends to the latest marketing tactics for making $1,000,000 overnight. And while the intention may be to help others, at the core of it is a residual frequency of not-enoughness. That somehow, if you achieve this, you will reach a pinnacle, when in fact, once that pinnacle is reached, there will always be another and another.

The truth in this life is that there is no permanence, and no matter how many purchases you make or how many loved ones are nearby, and no matter how many trips you take, they are all temporary.

If you’re struggling with discontentment and not feeling like you’re enough, the answer is not in any of those things. And while our culture might push us to continue seeking outside affirmation, the truth is that longing, desire, and achieving are all means for suffering because as long as we want things to stay or be a certain way, when they don’t, this leads to pain and disappointment.

At the heart of the matter, it’s about feeling a sense of contentment and safety, and most Americans don’t live in small, supportive communities like they used to. There is a lack of natural support in this culture, and it’s part of the reason why depression and anxiety rates are so high. There’s a lack of connection to oneself, and while outside sources can be soothers to help manage the feelings, the fact is, they are temporary.

The real challenge is learning to accept where we are and that we are enough in this moment. And while striving for more can bring a sense of accomplishment, the ending of that goal starts another, creating a continuous cycle of never feeling sated.

All the years, I looked for outside sources of comfort and joy, and while they are fantastic experiences that I am deeply grateful for, they all come to an end in some way or another. It was my expectation of needing them to serve a purpose that made it painful for them to end.

Now, choosing what feels truly meaningful instead of what might get approval or filling in the empty space is the concept. Using intention combined with love in every decision, because that is the practice, to discard all that is not needed and choose what brings joy, acceptance, and long-lasting satisfaction to soothe the inner discontent.