If you have been lucky enough to read the works of Steven Biko who wrote ‘I write what I like’ then you may understand the title of this post. He was an anti-apartheid activist in South Africa a few decades ago.

For most people choosing or deciding what they want to wear, is not a big thing at all. Personally, cleaning out my wardrobe and choosing what to keep and what to give away, was not so easy.

It’s been a slow process over the last few years to start thinking about what I actually like and about my personal preferences. I’ve been to many seminars and self development programs where they say you should minimise the time you spend thinking about your clothes so you can instead spend time and energy to do more important things. These blanket ideas can be just another form of mass marketing. For me, deciding what I like to wear and what I actually want to wear is a big decision and just as important as anything else. This is because for the most part of my life I would just put on when I thought other people would like me to be wearing or what I should wear in terms of a uniform for school or work.

When I was in my 20s I was working as a lawyer and found myself in a court room for a long criminal trial. To my horror, I became the centre of attention in the middle of the week when the judge decided to stop proceedings and ask why I believed it acceptable to take off my tie and suit jacket and sit with only a shirt and trousers on. At the time I was quite embarrassed and uncomfortable. Looking back on it I find it strange that, with everything that was going on and how important the trial was for my client, why this old man with a wig and gown on was so bothered that I had decided to take my tie and jacket off to feel comfortable. At the time I was struggling to stay awake and continue being alert to make a note of everything that was happening in the proceedings.

I am now coming to understand that choosing and deciding what I want to wear is actually more important me than it may be to other people because one of my core values is freedom. Freedom includes making decisions for myself, while thinking about my responsibilities. It also means coming to my own conclusions about things through a process of questioning and trying things my own way. Not accepting things based on authority or doing them because someone else says I need to. These days freedom can too easily be translated as some kind of frivolous revolt or rebellion against societies rules. Freedom is much greater and involves having complete ownership of ones decisions and actions. At the same time I do not use the word control because at some level I know that I do not have absolute control over circumstances and events, but the more I am aware of my behaviours and actions, the more I can influence them.

So this comes back to my choice of clothing. Every time I decide to wear something or to give it away, because I no longer want to wear it, I feel a little bit more like I am living life for myself. At 44 I have come to realise that living life for yourself is not about being selfish or about giving up your responsibilities. It is in fact the opposite. It is recognising the part of you that acts from a childish place because you have not yet learnt to recognise and see your inner child. It means not putting yourself at the centre of the universe, instead thinking about how you can support and serve others. And finally, it means making choices and decisions based on your own inquiry and understanding of people and situations. This is why I have decided to only wear what I want and to give up trying to change my wardrobe or my choice of clothes based on other peoples ideas and expectations.