My body and mind are weary now as I prepare for bed at the end of a long day. I reflect and turn to reflection and writing as memories flood. I light a candle and pour the tea and drink in the sweetness. The day was hot and the night is weary. I take up my pen and trace an outline of my hand. Some memories are frozen and starting to thaw and so I write on.

I was four years old when I tasted death. I recall the day I ran like the speed of light  down the hallway to my bedroom. I missed the turn off to my room and ended up running head on into the wall blacking out. The rest is hazy however, I am told that I became unconscious requiring resuscitation. Lately old memories are resurfacing like bubbles coming up from deep within. Trying to piece together stories and events makes my head spin. Yet, still I try.

I am turning fifty in a few days and I have been wrestling with the winds of change and feel younger than  my years. There is an ache in places that have become cold and a yearning for renewal. Through writing I am trying to make sense of life and the twists and turns. There is so much that remains a mystery. I wonder what happened that day when I was knocked unconscious and what happened as a result? I wish I could remember. I can only imagine. I am grateful I returned to life and living and believe that my entire being must have jolted. There were strange things that happened following like sleep walking, talking and dreams. This is what most people would call the result of a head injury or was it more?

Most of my family members are gifted with special gifts and I am no different. Call it intuition or psychic abilities it really doesn’t matter it is all the same. I am been doing my best to dial it down and try to turn it off. Why you might ask? often it can come with some distress. There are other times however, that I am able to embrace and accept who I am and I really believe that we all have these gifts. I really believe that it was after my head injury that things ramped up in the telepathic department. Dreams have told me things and often I have pushed knowledge aside because it isn’t always clear. Growing up dream discussion was encouraged. It always felt like ” digging” and frustrating. ” What do they want I would ask?”.

I would like to be able to say that now that I am older and wiser that I have this cased but I don’t and I am still frustrated and wrestling with trying to make sense of it all. Extrasensory abilities can feel like a code that we need to break. A celestial dream card that we need to crack. Everything is left to interpretation. Feeling is everything. Sometimes I don’t want to trust my gut and I wish I would be able to just ignorantly glide through life; Gifts can be challenges.

Now that I am heading into my wiser years I do believe it is time to make peace and come into my own. I am working on this. I am trying to embrace life and all it has to offer and this includes every aspect of myself. I am working on letting go of fear. We don’t need to be anxious about intuition and the spiritual side of things. I am working on this too!

Tonight as I prepare for bed I offer a prayer up and it goes like this.

Dear maker help me to walk tenderly with an open heart. Let me speak the language of love and be open to all of my gifts. If you speak to me in dreams help me listen. Let me listen to your voice and my true souls calling. I am often frighted and full of dread. Let this all go and help me to walk with peace knowing that I am here to learn from all experiences. Speak to my heart and open these hands up to embrace all that is offered out of love. Thank you for all my gifts and help me to use them today and in the days to come. May peace fill my heart and mind. When I am anxious let me turn to you.

I am one with the night and I am ready to slip into dreams and ready for any messages that I might receive. I am ready to receive truth and light coming into my own power.