Working with my Back Pain

I have a recurring tender and sore knee, which in the last few days has been joined by lower back pain. Recent trips to the chiropractor and acupuncturist have worked temporarily but now the pain is back.

Living with background back pain, I notice my face looking tired, I feel vulnerable, not having the ease and strength that I usually experience.

Playing detective I take myself on a bike ride, since I know that this helps my knee.  As I’m biking along, I ask my back ‘What is going on?’

The message that comes is that I’m ‘backing up’ too many people in my life.  I back up my ex-husband when he doesn’t show up, to protect our children.  I back up my kids to help them deal with their parent’s divorce.  I see how much I am doing to try to control these events.  Somewhere in there, another voice, less comfortable, recognises that if I stop doing these things, I will have the time and energy to show up in my life more, to show up in my studio, to do some more of my own work.

If I answer to the call of my back, I will not be able to procrastinate.  There may be more feelings, more upset, disappointment.  If I do less to buffer events. I will lose control.  I sense a void, of the unknown.  And a Michelle that could stand at the side and watch with compassion.  Deep breath.  I realise I could do this as a practice.  And tomorrow, practice letting things be.